Should Not Answer Questions With Questions

2010-09-12T18:18:00.001-04:00

...But that is in fact what I did lol. A good friend @joskidiesel put me to task with a litany of questions, earlier today, and as I felt less than prepared to answer these questions, I sought then to further my understanding of where she was going with them. She has since encouraged me to post my response, here for your viewing pleasure :) This should at the very least serve to prove that I still do write in some capacity, however seldom it is that I update my blog lol. Feel free to check out her original post of questions on her bloggo. So here we go:

"Separating yourself from humanity is a tricky topic. Should it even be done? Can man survive without human interaction. Companionship, friendship, partnership, trade, intimacy, superiority, who will one compete against if there is no one else around?? Can Darwinism exist fully if man has no competitor?"
The first [of my questions] and of the more interesting (as there are hints of this suggestion throughout) is do you think that humanity exists amongst itself to find a competitor with itself? While Darwinism suggests that that might be a means of evolution, is it the only one? And further, does that means of evolution not apply more between different species?

"Is the emotion of desire the downfall of us as a people? Are we craving too many of the wrong things?"
Is 'desire' an emotion? Is craving directly implicative of the concept of 'desire'? What does one crave but that which he feels he does not have? When ever is craving for what one has not better than relishing in and honoring what one does?
Again, what to you does Desire mean? Not the word but the idea.. Not the idea but the concept.. Not even the concept, but the space which Desire, in your Truth, consumes?

"I wonder if the monks crave for companionship? Is the purpose of their existence to simply appreciate the present....and if they do crave or have desire: then what?..."
As for the monks, and as for all people, what is life but a constant exercise of, if not appreciating, then partaking in the Present? If these monks are incapable of acknowledging the companionship offered within the walls of their monastery, do they not then seek it with all of the Universe? In the Light with which they surround themselves?

"What if we all just went with the flow of things. But what is the flow of things? What does it really mean?..."
What if the flow of things means doing what you wish, or 'desire', irrelevant of what any other External entity does, or thinks of your doing.. Be it grabbing the first of your attire or not at all. Eating the last piece of meat or all of it?

"What happens to those misunderstood and special by default. Those with abilities that didn't come from desire..."
What of the people special by default? The ones who live and breathe. The ones that have come to live a life that either honors them for their dreams and inherent ability or denies that person those things, vehemently..What of every single living and breathing person? And what aspect of them, lest compared to yet other External things, makes them more or less special than any other?

"...What of the moments we don't ask for....how do they equate to those we make on mental wish lists to gods?"
Is what we See not directly Reflective of what we do not? For all that we put before the gods in request, does that not Reflect an ignorance to what we have and/or should need? Is All not, then, suggested in all that we Are?
Does that not make Desire but an expression of our ignorance to our All?

"...Are we craving too many of the wrong things? What are the wrong things? Do we reach for external more than internal....how do we cure ourselves of this itch!..."
In your questioning I must ask a question that seems to be of great importance to the answers you seek: How important to you is the External in all that you do, see, and live for? And why, if the honest answer to that question is any iota at all, do you grant the External that much power Over you?

"How can all our daily actions change at the same time? What will the world become? What is change without desire, where does the spark of motivation come from?..."
What will become of the world to any One person who's mind's eye and inner Sense change? What is the commonality between us, the natural flow within us, the holistic Truth that Is us - that isn't wholly expressed by each individuals need to grow unto/into/through his own Way?

"Where do you find balance....if the scale is yourself?..."
What is balanced withIn is thence balanced throughOut.. Or is that not so? Is not the horizon shapely and balanced or off-kilter and bizarre for the angle you hold your head?

:)

My Cosmos..

2010-09-07T12:50:00.001-04:00

This is part 2, this time my stars and celestial forms, and how they've served to sway my very essence. Note the similarities to my Numerology, and if you know me, consider which aspects truly do apply to me :) (courtesy of http://www.0800-horoscope.com/birthchart.php )

Your data
Cory H Sex M Boston, MA 25 United States 12/23/1986 03:26 - Julian day 2446787.85 Adjust 5.00 ST 9.48 Lat 42.21 Long 71.03

Your Planets & Houses

Zodiac in degrees 0.00			Placidus Orb:0
Sun	Capricorn	1.13	Ascendant	Scorpio	14.14
Moon	Virgo	19.02	II	Sagittarius	13.44
Mercury	Sagittarius	19.49	III	Capricorn	18.17
Venus	Scorpio	16.55	IV	Aquarius	24.45
Mars	Pisces	18.44	V	Pisces	27.09
Jupiter	Pisces	16.15	VI	Aries	23.15
Saturn	Sagittarius	14.25	VII	Taurus	14.14
Uranus	Sagittarius	23.05	VIII	Gemini	13.44
Neptune	Capricorn	5.23	IX	Cancer	18.17
Pluto	Scorpio	9.14	Midheaven	Leo	24.45
Lilith	Cancer	3.23	XI	Virgo	27.09
Asc node	Aries	17.44	XII	Libra	23.15

The planetary positions in the houses express the facts relative to destiny.

Planets in the houses

Sun	in	II
Moon	in	Midheaven
Mercury	in	II
Venus	in	Ascendant
Mars	in	IV
Jupiter	in	IV
Saturn	in	II
Uranus	in	II
Neptune	in	II
Pluto	in	XII
Lilith	in	VIII
Asc node	in	V

Birth Chart

This birth chart shows the positions of the planets of Cory H

The planets in the signs

The position of the planets in the signs of the Zodiac has an influence on the character of the individual and these influences form a large part of the individual psyche.

Sun in Capricorn

He is honest, reserved, circumspect, honorable and strong-willed. Quietly ambitious within the realms of the possible, he likes and takes on responsibility. He can work in the social domain.

Weaknesses: a bitter, hostile, disagreeable and mistrustful mind.

Moon in Virgo

He has a very good memory. Scientific or medical studies preferred above all others. He is humble and moderate, calm and reserved. Emotional discipline. He is willing to help, devoted and gentle.

Weaknesses: servile nature, frequent changes of occupation, gets annoyed, upset, worries. He is too shy.

Mercury in Sagittarius

Democrat, philosopher, tolerant, respectful of laws. Likes foreign travel. Believes that everything teaches you something.

Weaknesses: free spirit, that likes adventure and will leap into hazardous and risky affairs.

Venus in Scorpio

Sensual and passionate, he likes love, the act of making love. Passionate loves, full of ardor and desire where the partner needs to be able to match his level or else recriminations will follow. While being passionate, he is also jealous and possessive.

Weaknesses: if disappointed or deceived in love, he can become bitter and odious. He hates the person as much as he used to love. Only jealousy can be as strong as hate.

Mars in Pisces

He is choleric, boils over, and easily gets exasperated. He has difficulty in controlling himself.

Weaknesses: The constraints of society can provoke him to great anger. Religious extremists in particular can drive him insane. These rages can put him in very unpleasant situations.

Jupiter in Pisces

Strength, tenderness, devotion, charity, pity.

Weaknesses: lets himself go, can sometimes be a social parasite.

Saturn in Sagittarius

He has his own way of thinking about a subject, he has his own ideas about things. He respects society and its rules guide his conduct.

Weaknesses: hard, unforgiving, rigorous, insensitive and sometimes inhuman. A limited and narrow mind.

Uranus in Sagittarius

He is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.

Neptune in Capricorn

He is discerning, wise and sensible.

Pluto in Scorpio

Great sexual activity.

Sign and ascendant

Capricorn ascendant Scorpio

The planets in the houses

The planetary positions in the houses express the facts relative to destiny.

Sun in II

Financial ambition. Lucrative job, he satisfies his needs, which are substantial. Moves money about a lot and sometimes spends recklessly.

Moon in X

Changes of situation. He is frightened of getting old and tends to hark back to the past. Influenced by the father. Success due to help from women.

Mercury in II

Intelligence geared towards ways of making money, becoming rich. All methods are good, sometimes he is on the borderline of honesty, with a tendency to be fraudulent.

Venus in I

Big-hearted. He is generous, altruistic, devoted, warm-hearted, lovable and sweet-tempered. He is drawn towards the Arts, music, song. He likes gatherings, parties. He has big emotional highs. Peaceful life in love.

Mars in IV

Quick decisions, he has a lot of things on his plate and wants to climb the social ladder. He will succeed through phenomenal work-rate. Stormy family life, where his aggressiveness shows itself.

Jupiter in IV

He likes and believes in justice. He is an optimist and is generous. Professional success is rapid and helped by the family. Family life is very important for him. He likes comfort, well-being at home. He knows how to entertain in style and above all with pleasure: his house is always open to friends.

Saturn in II

If he is rich, will always give the impression of being in financial difficulties. If he is broke, he gives the same impression - this time with reason. He has difficulty earning money: his work is tiresome and laborious.

Uranus in II

He has a lot of flair. He is unreliable at work, always ready for change. He must have an out-of-the-ordinary job, in which case all goes well: otherwise, he will often change jobs and will have financial problems.

Neptune in II

He develops his "brilliant" but questionable ideas to earn money.

The houses in the signs

Ascendant in Scorpio

Emotional life certainly very changeable. Lovers will come and go, and then come back again. Sexuality is very important for him, for his stability.

House II in Sagittarius

Social success in one of the professions or in an import/export company dealing regularly with foreign countries.

House III in Capricorn

Nothing is left to chance, everything is calculated, dissected slowly and methodically, twice rather than once, in peace and quiet by himself. He is introverted, and doesn't speak about his plans until they are underway.

House IV in Aquarius

He will leave the family home reasonably young. Likes liberty, wants a life that is out-of-the-ordinary, and certainly one that does not correspond with mum and dad's.

House V in Pisces

With lofty feelings, he is full of tenderness, sentimentality. Things do not always go his way. A meeting with a person who is either not free, too young or from a different family or social background means that living together will be done in the utmost secrecy while waiting for the chance to legalize the situation quietly, without any trouble. This state of affairs will make him melancholy. A lovely little family will result from this union.

House VI in Aries

Ability to command, knows how to take up his responsibilities at work. Weak point: headaches, fevers.

House VII in Taurus

Marries for love but also well financially. A peaceful union even if exchange of ideas isn't always smooth.

House VIII in Gemini

If he is a writer, a painter or involved in another of the Arts, and if fame doesn't come when living, then it will come posthumously. Small inheritance from near relations. Take care of the lungs - if a smoker, then it is advisable to stop.

House IX in Cancer

Fertile imagination. He is easily influenced. Likes travel, especially cruises.

House X in Leo

All the leadership qualities are there: authority, sense of organization, initiative, intelligence, but also thanks to outside help. He is a fighter.

House XI in Virgo

Friends must resemble him, anyone having different ideas or ways of doing things cannot be friends. Discussing ideas is not his cup of tea. His knowledge is the result of study but also of the down-to-earth nature that characterizes him.

House XII in Libra

Marriage doesn't bring luck, honors come as he imagined they might.

Interplanetary aspects

The interplanetary aspects have a strong influence on the character and disposition of the individual and, consequently, on his destiny.

The conjunction aspect is variable and depends above all on the nature of the conjoint planets.

496 Conjunction Mars - Jupiter

He has a good sense of organization, he is jovial, frank and sincere. He is full of dynamism and over-abundant energy. He loves life and takes all it has to offer. He likes sports and the outdoor life. He is successful professionally and emotionally. He usually has lots of children.

-290 Opposition Moon - Mars

He is very emotional and is driven to do things by his emotions. He does not think things over or through in a given situation. He is irascible and sometimes violent. Marital disputes.

-290 Opposition Moon - Jupiter

He is indifferent to others, to those who surround him: he is negligent and indecisive. He likes excess, gambling and his honesty is elastic. This aspect does not help professional success, especially as he tends to spend more than he earns.

280 Conjunction Sun - Neptune

He has a fertile imagination, is full of inspiration, and very emotional - all qualities that he uses on the professional level. He likes the Arts, beauty.

207 Conjunction Mercury - Uranus

He is perspicacious, ingenious: he binds intelligence and originality together with genius. He likes literature, especially fiction. He is spontaneous in his friendships and knows how to take advantage of the situations that arise.

155 Conjunction Mercury - Saturn

143 Conjunction Venus - Ascendant

He likes everything beautiful, the Arts, balance and harmony. He is amiable and sociable. He likes entertainment and has a loving nature.

115 Trine Venus - Jupiter

He is good-hearted, generous and has a good character. He likes well-being, comfort, a life without problems. He has good relations with his circle. He is easy to approach. All the same, he falls in love easily. He has a successful married and professional life.

105 Sextile Moon - Venus

He is gracious, sweet and gay. He likes pleasure and entertainment, but also the Arts. He needs tenderness, loves and wants children. He appreciates home life in a comfortable atmosphere.

-104 Square Moon - Mercury

He is happy in his imaginary world and thus is happy nowhere, because he can never find his ideal world - thus causing a lot of change, instability and also disquiet. He is a liar, a gossip and leaves himself open to criticism. His lies save him. If the other aspects allow, he can be a very good novelist.

98 Conjunction Sun - Uranus

He is above all independent and original. He likes change, reforms, he is allergic to everything routine. He has a strong personality, and has many friends.

-94 Square Jupiter - Saturn

He is indifferent to what goes on around him, is mistrustful and always unsatisfied. He is easily irritated.

-80 Square Mercury - Mars

While his spirit is lively, it is also cunning. He often acts without thinking, he throws himself into things and exaggerates - and this can bring certain problems. He is nervous and irascible. He can develop others' ideas, while they hesitate - he never does: he presses on.

78 Conjunction Venus - Pluto

His emotional and sex life is powerful and rich. He lives out truly passionate love affairs.

70 Trine Venus - Mars

He is amorous, not a peaceful and calm lover but a passionate one with a strong temperament. He is demonstrative in love, and likes healthy pleasures. He enjoys life to the full.

56 Trine Jupiter - Ascendant

He likes meeting friends, around a good meal and in a cordial atmosphere. He is pleasant, jovial and engaging.

-55 Square Mercury - Jupiter

He is frivolous and imprudent. He lacks judgement, and is full of self-importance. He has difficulty in realizing his plans, because he lacks clarity and rates his qualities higher than they are.

-39 Square Moon - Uranus

He has a feverish, non-constructive restlessness. He is too susceptible. While his life is full of change, he is full of hot air. He is eccentric, irritable and stubborn. He has difficulty concentrating on a job. Nervous strain. His friendships are like his professional and love life - unstable.

37 Conjunction Saturn - Uranus

He knows how to be on top of the situation. He perseveres, is determined but ingenious and original. He is very practical. He proceeds slowly, but is always bound to achieve his objectives in the end.

-30 Square Moon - Saturn

He has changeable moods, a reserved character, is stubborn and lacks assurance. His relationship with his mother is disturbing and difficult, he has considerable family problems. This is the standard aspect for children who are abandoned or lack maternal love.

30 Conjunction Pluto - Ascendant

He has will-power and ambition, and likes to have his own way.

-28 Square Mars - Saturn

He is only interested in doing something if there are problems attached: once these are solved, he goes on to something else which has complications. He likes to overcome obstacles, is tough, does not have too many feelings, especially in business. He is egoistic, violent and stubborn. He does not always make friends.

26 Trine Mars - Ascendant

-25 Square Mars - Uranus

He is full of contradictions. He is original, tending to the eccentric, violent, headstrong, impatient and irascible. He fights to the bitter end to overcome hurdles, and has the strength to overcome them.

24 Trine Uranus - Midheaven

He must have a job that allows him complete freedom, something non-routine. He likes change, has a lot of energy and knows how to influence others in spite of his originality.

21 Trine Mercury - Midheaven

He likes to have his own ideas about things, to form an opinion and think over the problems it poses. He is an intellectual.

19 Trine Sun - Midheaven

He knows what he wants on the professional level, is aware of his objectives and does everything to achieve them, he will carry out plans to the very end. He has a good job as well as a good reputation.

17 Trine Jupiter - Pluto

He likes to direct, is intelligent and is an organizer of the first order.

3 Sextile Neptune - Pluto

Aspects

Planet	Aspect	Planet	Orb/Value
Sun	Conjunction	Uranus	8.07	98
Sun	Conjunction	Neptune	4.10	280
Sun	Trine	Midheaven	6.28	19
Moon	Square	Mercury	0.47	-104
Moon	Sextile	Venus	2.07	105
Moon	Opposition	Mars	0.18	-290
Moon	Opposition	Jupiter	2.47	-290
Moon	Square	Saturn	4.37	-30
Moon	Square	Uranus	4.04	-39
Mercury	Square	Mars	1.05	-80
Mercury	Square	Jupiter	3.34	-55
Mercury	Conjunction	Saturn	5.24	155
Mercury	Conjunction	Uranus	3.17	207
Mercury	Trine	Midheaven	4.56	21
Venus	Trine	Mars	1.49	70
Venus	Trine	Jupiter	0.40	115
Venus	Conjunction	Pluto	7.40	78
Venus	Conjunction	Ascendant	2.41	143
Mars	Conjunction	Jupiter	2.29	496
Mars	Square	Saturn	4.19	-28
Mars	Square	Uranus	4.22	-25
Mars	Trine	Ascendant	4.30	26
Jupiter	Square	Saturn	1.50	-94
Jupiter	Trine	Pluto	7.00	17
Jupiter	Trine	Ascendant	2.01	56
Saturn	Conjunction	Uranus	8.41	37
Uranus	Trine	Midheaven	1.40	24
Neptune	Sextile	Pluto	3.52	3
Pluto	Conjunction	Ascendant	4.60	30
		1980	-1035	945

Sign types & asteroids

Signs masculine	3	Signs of fire	3
Signs feminine	7	Signs of earth	3
Signs cardinals	2	Signs of air	0
Signs fixed	2	Signs of water	4
Signs mutable	6

Chiron	Gemini	18.30 R
Ceres	Sagittarius	2.17
Pallas	Scorpio	9.57
Juno	Capricorn	9.28
Vesta	Aries	9.28
Fortune	Aquarius	26.25
South node	Libra	17.44

Click on a planet for more information

My Numbers..

2010-09-07T12:45:00.000-04:00

This is one of two bare-all posts that I will share with you. This is essentially my Numerology as it has been detailed and expressed via Da Juana Byrd's site, http://www.dajuana.com/numerology/number2.php :

Your Life Path Number represents the path you should take through life and the talents and skills you have to make your journey a rewarding one.

Your Life Path will be composed of many paths. Change will be a recurring event throughout your life, and you will welcome these changes as gateways to new opportunities and the development of free will. With time you will become a defender of freedom. You will view the world through liberal's eyes, and will most likely champion the causes of the world's underdogs.
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Your Destiny Number sheds light on those things you must accomplish in your life to be fulfilled.

You are destined to succeed in whatever arena you choose to enter. You were born to lead, and so long as you do not become dictatorial you should fulfill your destiny to its fullest.
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Your Soul Number describes your deepest desires and dreams and the person you truly want to be.

Your soul yearns for beauty, balance and a stable, warm home. You are loyal and affectionate, and need to protect, nurture and love your family for your soul to feel complete. You need the full commitment of marriage to fully satisfy you.
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Your Personality Number reveals the "external you"--the personality traits others will know you by.

You have the Master Number 11 as your Personality Number. Master Numbers indicate nearly complete or complete development of the traits associated with the number they would reduce to. This relation is usually expressed by writing the Master Number and the number it reduces to together. Master Number 11 is often written 11/2.
Freedom and responsibility come with having a Master Number. You have the freedom to choose whether to allow your Master Number traits to express themselves or not. If you opt to act responsibly and use your lofty powers, you will find your reward is in the choice itself. If you choose to ignore your talents, you may find yourself taking more than one step back. You may incur a Karmic Debt.
Those with an 11 Personality Number are visionaries. They are old souls blessed with an enormous volume of wisdom concerning our spiritual world. They are idealistic, individualistic, creative and extremely perceptive. 11 personalities are always very bright and may well be considered geniuses by those who know them. Intense and having a lust for life on a grand scale, they have seen the mystical side of the universe and liked the view.
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Your Maturity Number reveals the person you will come to be--your true self.

You will learn the value of hard work, discipline, and organization in your early years. As you grow older you will contribute to things that are destined to last. In your later years you will have built things of lasting value. You may have some health issues to which you will apply your organizational skills to lessen their effect on you.
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As long as your life is on an even or uplifting keel balance numbers are relatively dormant. However, in those times when your life is out of order your Balance Number can become central to resolving the turmoil you are experiencing. Your Balance Number reflects the traits you need to bring to the forefront in order the get through difficult periods with the least amount of damage or time wasted on negative influences.

A 6 Balance Number suggests you are a key part of the problem and must take responsibility for your role. Do not allow yourself to be overly comforted by others. To do so will give you a false sense of justice and a stage on which to wallow. You need to not just act, but act responsibly and fairly.
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Pinnacles represent moments in your life in which you realize current goals and learn some of life's lessons. If you are at the beginning of a Pinnacle, then they can be used as a predictive tool to assist in managing your future. Your first Pinnacle begins at birth and last until around the age of 27. Your Second Pinnacle last through the next 9 year and the Third Pinnacle last for 9 years after the Second Pinnacle has passed. Your Fourth Pinnacle picks up where the Third Pinnacle ends and last throughout the rest of your life
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An 8 Pinnacle is a time in which you will learn to apply power and authority in an effective way. In this period you should master the basic skills to become a good leader: organization, management and hopefully the application of justice for all.
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While an 11 Pinnacle will be traversed by most as a 2 Pinnacle, for those exploring metaphysical and spiritual issues this will be time of profound development. Those living life on the level of an 11 will find their intuitive powers are at their apex. This will be a time when you are called to inspire, lead and bring joy to those around you and possibly all of humankind.
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A 1 Pinnacle indicates a time when you are attempting to become self-reliant and allow your individuality to blossom. This is a time when you may want to seek teachers to assist you on your journey toward independence. If you should have a 1 as your third or fourth Pinnacle, it is likely destiny is grooming you for leadership.
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A 9 Pinnacle means you are in a period where your love for your fellow man will be at its zenith. In this period you will play healer and inspirer to those around you. A 9 Pinnacle is never easy. You will be asked to sacrifice meeting your own needs for the good of others. You may experience the pain of loss, but in the end will be rewarded by fulfilling your soul's need to ease the pain of others.
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Challenges denote personal weaknesses and temptations you will have to overcome and strengths you will have to develop to fully realize your goals. The 4 Challenges have the same time frame as the 4 Pinnacles.
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Those with an 11 challenge are in a time when they are expected to take their role as leader, inspirer and joy bringer. To meet this challenge successfully they will have to bring the full force of their cosmic insight and vision into play.
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A 1 Challenge signifies the struggle to become independent, courageous and have faith in your convictions. If the number 1 appears as your first Challenge you are learning to define your self. Should a 1 appear in your other Challenges you are learning to remain true to your self and become more confident.
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The Challenge the number 3 puts before you is to learn to speak truly from your heart. You will have to overcome the negative traits of the number 3, which include superficiality, hyperbole, egocentrism, gossiping and disorganization.
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Cycles occur in 28 year periods. The First Cycle last from birth through your 28th year and is called your Formative or Seed Cycle. The Second Cycle--your Productive or Fruit Cycle--begins at age 29 and last through your 56th year. The Third Cycle, your Harvest Cycle, begins with the coming of your 57th year and last throughout the rest of your life. Your Cycle Numbers tell you the lessons you must learn and goals you must meet to stay on your Life's Path and achieve your true destiny.
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Your emphasis during this Cycle will be on unleashing your creativity. You will need to focus your energies to get all you can from this Cycle. The reward for traversing this Cycle successfully is a life full of friends and the coming to fruition of your creative talents.
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Change and the development of personal freedom are the earmarks of a 5 Cycle. You will find fulfillment and joy in the adventures this Cycle holds for you. This Cycle will show you life at its most exciting.
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A 6 Cycle denotes a period favorable for love and marriage. You will learn about commitment and responsibility to your loved ones. If you have had a failed marriage, this is a period to start anew. Regardless of the conditions you bring into this Cycle, this remains a period for the homebody to come out in you.
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Karmic Lesson numbers reveal areas in which we need to grow. To become more complete, we need to give extra attention to these areas in this lifetime. If one of your 5 core numbers is the same as a Karmic Lesson Number the significance of the Karmic Lesson Number is reduced.
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A 6 Karmic Lesson Number denotes an inability or reluctance to make commitments. Even when you do commit yourself to something it may be your nature to hold back any true passion for the commitment or relationship. Over time you might do well to slowly allow your passions to express themselves and put your heart into your commitments and relationships.
The number 6 appears in your core numbers, so the the importance of this number is lessened.
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Karmic Debt Numbers signify past abuses of your talents that you must make amends for. Like all of us, you have made many choices and taken many actions in your lives. Some of those choices and actions have been mistakes. Your past errors must be addressed, so you can use your Karmic Debt Numbers to identify exactly what type of mistakes you have made in the past and how you can atone for them. top
A 14 Karmic Debt Number indicates that you have abused your right to freedom. Possibly you increased you freedom to act at the costs of others, or you exercised your free will in ways that abused your own spirit (e.g., drug use). The solution for you is to find a true path to freedom that does not harm you or others around you.
topA 13 Karmic Debt Number implies that somewhere along your being’s path you forsake your spiritual self for material gain. You may have abused others to get ahead. Because of your past behavior you may find yourself facing what appears to be one brick wall after another as you try to find success. The key to overcoming these obstacles is perseverance, hard work and the development of a spiritual awareness that keeps you from abusing the rights of others.
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Your Personal Lucky Number does not change. This number will be lucky for you your entire life. Your luck derived from this number will be strongest when you are addressing events and issues related to the general meaning of the number. Lucky Numbers should not be relied on to constantly produce positive results, or make impulsive, high risk gambles. They simply mean that where they appear you have an edge. How large an edge is impossible to determine, but seems to increase with the number of occurrences your Lucky Number is be associated with a given event or issue.

Those with a Personal Lucky Number 7 have a rather lofty number on their side. Your 7 may be very lucky in any situation. However, 7 is the number of those seeking spiritual growth, so often the luck of the 7 is not very easy to see. Its force comes into play on a true cosmic level and may be beyond yours or anyone’s means to identify.
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Signature numbers are based on how you sign your name. Your signature carries the power and the faults of one of the base 9 numbers. You may actually want to sign different documents with different signatures to reap the benefit of a particular number. For instance, if you are signing an agreement of partnership you might want to alter your signature to reflect the powers of the number 2.

The signature you entered is a 2. 2 signatures are especially good for signing agreements of partnership.
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This number is most influential between your 28th and 56th year. While it is not the most important number in your profile, it does have an effect on your Life's Path and Destiny.

You are curious about everything and above all else value your personal freedom. Change does not scare you. Indeed, you embrace it.
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This number tells you what is happening in your life this year. This number should be used to help you avoid setbacks and focus your energies on those areas of your life where you are most likely to achieve your goals.

This is a good year for you to collect yourself—put all of the pieces that make up your life into a cohesive, orderly structure. This is also a good time for you to take time for others, learn the value of compromise and foster harmony in your life as a whole.
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This number tells you what is happening in your life this month. Use this number in the same way you would your Personal year number, but apply it only to the current month.

This is a good month for you to pay attention to those around you and strengthen your personal relationships.

In Short, My Views On Marriage

2010-09-03T00:11:00.007-04:00

This is a comment I made on a dear friend's blog with regards to the institution of marriage, and how I See it. I definitely recommend checking out her post as well (http://milelechanging.blogspot.com/), for a better understanding of what I'm responding to:

I think that it is pretty well known that I am Not to date a supporter of marriage (more specifically, marriage in its/our current state). I don't believe in the institution, and I most certainly do not believe that what it stood for in earnest once is what it stands for, now.

Now yes, I do See where you are coming from - I too share the view that profound love should be expressed towards all relationships (All: Lovers, Enemies, Nature, Meals), and that means wholesome compassion and understanding. An eagerness to See their view. But I don't See the assertion that that should then apply to mean Selfless Devotion to any one character in your life. I don't See that that should mean I keep another soul from their Way just because we are bound together in matrimony. I don't See that if the Season for the person I've loved is expiring, that against all Will of the Universe, I shall fight to maintain what I consider tantamount to stagnation..

In regards to communal responsibility, I again am also of such a Sight - it does indeed take a village. But things have changed (as they will, and shall forever). The world has both grown smaller and more populated. Faster. And no longer is the village our village, but the World's our village. For all the good and all the bad that entails. And perhaps you should have close friends to help see you through your troubles, but seldom are we so fortunate, and when there Are those so indeed blessed, you must too be Aware of to what ends or perspective gains these friends or family members offer such assistance.

I Trust in change. I therefor have faith in Seasons. I will eagerly spend all of my days with a single heart if such is my destiny. I may spend a lifetime dancing between seasons and beautiful hearts that love me as I love them - Not (just) romantically but wholly, profoundly, otherworldly - for as long as their individual Seasons last.. I resolve to maintain the sanctity of our Connection, our relationship, our Bond by Love and Truth.. I do not think that that is made worse without the ring and contractual obligations. I don't think that that is made better with such things, either.

The times have Changed, and marriage has lost its very light and soul to the letter.

In my view..

..............

Part 2: (again, check the link above to see to whom/what I am responding :)
I'm commenting again, here, as to permit me responding to the both of you. Naturally this is a topic that has firm basis in belief so I don't really want to accidentally go too far and offend my dear sweethearts - so please bare with me as I try to find the right words for my View. :)

I again find it to be such a beautiful thing that there are people that believe in the institution as more than what scrappish remnants of it remain today. If to you this bond in matrimony is a spiritual one, then who am I to say what it means to me should apply to you? No one, put simply and honestly, and I would never aim to push my views to suggest that they should Too be Your views.

Marriage is to Me, however, in mine eyes, in my heart - means nothing. The institution isn't worth fighting for to me as it seems to be a regressing step in human nature - that which in any right denies Freedom, to me, is False. Not to suggest that I'm of the mind that people should go about gallivanting along with multiple partners at his/her whim - not at all. I'm loyal to women who have my heart, and such disloyalty is weakness of Ego and proof of a false love in my view. But when it comes to the point where someone suggests that a contract, the threat of "half", a material ring, or how family, friends, or any other peripheral (however close the relation, they too are External) entity might view you or your decisions as the only reason(s) why you are with someone who you are miserable with, it breaks my heart. For just as with Anything that Forces some (+) ideal on someone, it defeats its very purpose.

Marriage Does become a matter of ownership, not partnership (to some). Marriage does become a matter of stagnation of spiritual growth and Self evolution (for others), and often does it too become a matter of obligations to Expectations (matters of the Ego) before acknowledgement of the mutual and simpatico spirit.

Not suggesting that fear of such things should be reason not to marry - I'm just suggesting that if these are things that come of marriage these days (more so because in these times people have lost love and respect for Self and thus expect it to be fed them via their betrothed), then something is wrong with the institution. Or perhaps with the people involved. Or the common (mis/pre)conception of what a marriage should in fact be. I know of more women in my age group with this Expectation that marriage is wholly akin to Disney fodder of the Cinderella and Beauty & the Beast and Little Mermaid brands. I don't think it is. And if this is the common current view of marriage and love in general then I feel that ought be addressed Before seeking another's hand.

I find evolution lies in the connections with all man-kind.. I too find that I am the only constant that, as I breathe, I should hope/expect to experience (and even Then I in all matters, am changing/evolving). This is expressed as part of a larger understanding within me. Perhaps I will find someone to grow in all ways for all days with. But that is no reason to deny myself all the rest of the world, lo, the Universe, even, in the whole of my expansion. In fact to do so would be to deny my Self a Universe x A Lifetime of essential mirrors. While I cannot say that marriage Will in fact do this, the everyday concept of what it is, Now, will surely make it more likely, due to what I see as a false (and cruel) sense of entitlement/ownership, the failings and indoctrinations of the ego (jealousy, envy, rage), and such lacking in Self Love that my own Love (normally expansive, whole, and overflowing) now need to be directed, singular, and painfully stilted..

Again, a lot of what ifs.. But too, do I find that to practice Love -truest, unfathomable Love- and to practice Loyalty, and to practice Honor and Reverence, and to practice Respect for your Own needs as well as the needs of your partner -- To Feel the Whole of the connection between two/7billion formless essences.. To be utterly and limitlessly compassionate -- None of these things are understandings or abilities kept/maintained by a ring or marriage, and as such Love is all I believe in, I don't feel inclined to introduce unto my existence yet another tether to the past and grounding from our rightful place in the Free Skies..

Consciousness Atop the Hill of Ignorance

2010-06-23T14:21:00.003-04:00

I have been brought to thinking via some of the brilliant minds and impassioned hearts of my Twitterverse. The topic of this particular discussion was an Understanding of the Conscious ~~crowd~~ few that I have a hard time trying to grasp: That we must first build the conscious collective within the community, or those who have an ear for such teachings, if ever we are to Elevate.

I tend to expend much more energy on my search for the spirit of words than the letter (I have said so many times before that, to me, words to thought are but the crudely interpreted doodles of masterpieces), and as I think rather visually, I usually devise some form of imagery that helps me understand a concept. The understanding I found brings me to question this method of growth. I ask that you try to picture this visual, as I can best relate it.

I See, for example, a school built of glorious marble and of beautiful design. The marvel of our time - a place of developed Consciousness, Innerstanding, Truth, Awareness, and Power - where like minds learn under like minds, and where great minds share with the youthful and the otherwise 'prepared' a Perspective of knowledge and Wisdom to be maintained and emboldened within the confines of these marble walls. Imagine, if you will, a structure that is the pinnacle of the community, to which the beaten and ready Ascend, and within which the Wise and Well-Learned will Elevate... And as such, it stands atop the hill of such a community that is otherwise plagued with ignorance and triviality.

I See this great place of Learning atop the masses of those who cannot Innerstand. The killers of our communities. The virus that destroys all humanity.. And as the walls of this college of sorts grows ever more fortified with the thinking and the hearts of those within its walls, I see the walls of that building contract to that end (for fewer and fewer might ascend and grow to be part of this set of the Aware if their thinking is not, from the onset, as that of those within these walls). And below this place of knowledge and shining Truth, there lies the shifting dirt. The dirt. Those that do not share in such wisdom. Those who do not grow from such Truth. Those whom's focus, then, lies on truth from Their perspectives... Drugs.. Hate.. Ignorance... And the weight of a 'superior' class upon their backs. And as they are set to focus on such negative things, they are pulled downward.

And as the extreme expanse between those of such Learning and those of such ignorance widens, the grounds upon which this beacon of Light, this pinnacle of Greatness - begin then to shift, and crumble.

And so, too, does the school come to fall to such negativity.

All of this I See, and express only to present the point that without an interest to elevate the minds of All men, we shall forever fall victim to the weaker heart and lesser mind. Why? Because I do not believe that in Raising a few to such heights of wisdom can we expect them (or anyone else) to carry forth those whom have it naught. I do not believe that pulling together all (and only) the minds that share in one's form of Truth proves to ever benefit the world, even if in the beginning that is the very purpose. And most importantly, I do not believe that we can ever learn all that we need to by looking to some few men and women alone for answers.. There's Truth that we All need to find in our very own lives, our very own Way, and to be allowed to seek such Truth, however one potentially finds it, is of utmost importance to the Elevation and Evolution of the all.

"Your problems are not my own but the Lessons, if I am open compassionately to your experience, Are."

"You don't Raise a peoples by showing them your Ceilings - you show them the whole Sky, offer your Shoulder, and they'll Raise themSelves."

So - though my understanding might be incorrect (and judging by the visual I presented, I'd imagine that you'd See that I am), such a view of the world is not one that I appreciate. Naturally, one is to wonder then what I would suggest, and by luck I do have some sort of response to this: Simply, teach everyone; you might do this by constantly learning, teaching, and evolving yourSelf. Teach by Freeing yourSelf from old thinking and overused paths to Wisdom and grow wise to/through your own Way. Teach by showing the community that revolves around you that it is OK - in fact, it is Honorable - to find Truth. To be yourself. To expand your very own horizons. Teach by Example. Provide the world a story that you alone can tell, and leave yourself open to the lessons learned by those on their own Path.

"I'm in no place to teach any curriculum.. I'm better off continuing to learn and thus teach by that example."

I know, sounds like BS - but as I see it, you will Never be able to change people. You can never Make someone grow. They themselves must change. They themselves must see it within them to grow. As you have no control over any other man, would you not best gain some control over your very Self, and show him that he in fact could do the same? Just a thought...

I intend to absorb the world around me as I experience it, and live as the Light I wish to share with the community; and yes, most certainly, even the world.

Silent War Cry Against Old Love

2010-06-04T05:34:00.001-04:00

I don't know exactly where I want to go with this, Peace.. How it ought be written.. How I might express these sentiments... This is frustration with a smile. This is me shaking my head with a chuckle inside. This is a warm heart, happy in the way that I See, though few see as I do. This is my silent war cry against old Love.

And oh, how it blows this romantic's mind that such words be drafted from his person. Five years a fore and I'd have never fathomed this state. I am truly such a romantic of elder times - find a wall to tear down together. Stand firm as stone against all storms. Live to breathe the very breaths she's finished with... Yes, I believed in such love once.. My beliefs swam in the lucid dream of a happily ever after, days long past...

And yet, here I stand today.. And now, I see such a dream differently.

I See that such a dream is that of my own making.. And when I wake from it unto Truth I See that to do so much to hold onto a person that has passed her season in my world as quite akin to someone holding onto Winter in the light of Spring.. To force another into some empty space within me is too similar to jamming puzzle pieces from another box and image unto my own.. And I no longer see joy in the idea of finding some other to help strangle my Thought with lust-filled Emotion. No... I want to be Free to experience a person not for my perceptions and hopes and Expectations - but for a new view through their perspective.. A peak into the deepest whispers of their souls, perhaps to gaze upon their ambitions.. With no expectations beyond that within this very moment, her Light is Mine to partake in.. Her rhythm mine to sway to.. Her vibrations mine to share.

My Love is as Universal as waves of Light - not as simple as fairy tales and Disney movies. It's not as temporal and minimal as a daily ride along the lower vibrations; that which rattles loose my inhibitions and shakes Free my more lustful essence.. It's not as desperate as keeping her as close as I may, with a mind that this lover is separate of me, such that I need not feel alone.. It's not as naive as the search on the choppy oceans of love for that 1 and only perfect person for me that exists such that I might live the fullness of the dream I'm told I should have had since I was 8.. I'm not looking for a one and only to fill and complete me and make me all that I might ever be... I can't look to another to do any such thing. There will never be another person that can do that for you.. And if you Give someone that ability, then you Give someone the opportunity to take that away from you. And as any other has but their own Way to go, when your paths come to part, only then will you see it. Love and believe and encourage and achieve for Your Self. Save yourself such needless heartache due to your emotional tentacles strangling away what True Love really is.. Due to the Expectations your Ego impresses upon another human being along his or her Own Way..

We are meant to ride the waves of one another.. We are supposed to love all, sure, but me - I tend to fall for energy that caters to my own.. To waves that amplify my own.. To music that touches my very core and makes my very Soul sway. I can feel that to varying degrees with many another.. And as I find My Way and My Self, I come to find more and more individuals with whom this force is all the more potent.. and beautiful.. and intense.. I am constantly attracted to the Light that does best to expose my own.. And deflected from such frequencies that fall harshly on my inner Sense..

So no, and I am sorry, but I am not Seeking Love from any One when Love is all around me.. Not looking for any One to complete that which is and has always and shall always be complete - not just within my Self, but through All others. I'm not looking to be saved. I'm not looking to save any other One. I'm not looking to give into Expectation... But the Season.. The moment.. The instant..... And the infinite Love therein.

As such - I ask that you sing me a song... And dance with me.. As I dance to you... In the breathless infinitude of this very moment.. And you will have my eyes.. And you will have my heart.. For as long as our forever is in Season.

The ground shifts beneath our feet..

2010-05-31T21:22:00.002-04:00

Do you not feel it? In the early hours of this morning, before the Sun came to rise in Israel, before the day was new in the Americas, the hearts and minds of men were moved en-masse. And as the light of day came to shine upon the Truth of such a misguided and yet-unfathomed tragedy, nations and peoples were shown to move in similar fashion.

Note that this is just the very beginning, and that which was hidden in the darkest before the dawn still needs to be chronologically brought to Light. But that still very much being the case, this world will no longer seem as it did yesterday.

Not to me.. Not to many.. The blight on humanity that has transpired in international waters, 40 miles off the coasts of Israel, forces the hand of the international community. Their civilians are slowly growing aware of an ugliness that has come to pass, with ever few excuses providing ample justification (to those, at least, sans significant - read: religious - bias) for the killings of 10-19 civilians (with batons, metal bars, and crude slingshots shooting marbles) by military forces (with live fire via automatic weaponry). The people of nations all over, almost devoid of their respective national interests, are now more inclined to ask questions about the situation that is Gaza.. More interested in answers as to the "Why's" behind such a dramatic, "disproportionate", and illegal response to the threat of humanitarian civilians reaching those lands with aid.

I'm about as unaware of the Palestinian plight as many another American, and today I feel all the more inclined to apologize for my ignorance. We're brought to understand here that there are people that attack us in so-and-so general area, and thus naturally, they are our enemy. We see, too, that those enemies of ours are setting upon another in that region in similarly savage fashion - and so the enemy of our enemy is our friend. Personally, that is not the fullest extents of my understandings, nor are they my particular views.. I, in fact, acknowledge just how little beyond our borders, already plagued with brutal and subtle discrimination and cruelty and hardship, that I am Aware of.. In no manner can I blame a country, My country, for all the knowledge that I've not sought mySelf.. But it seems to be the undertone of the message on these shores, and based upon the commentary of many a conservative and/or ignorant individual with whom I share these lands, it seems that is, too, the capacity of their understanding.. But as a man Free to think and believe as he so chooses, I am left today only asking what the fullest details are, and why... Why, everything, really..

It seems the floodgates have been opened in the hearts and minds of many, now. There's a portion of the world where likely injustices have been brought to light, caused by a force that seeks protections from similar injustices by the national community at large. That decries 'villain!!' with a pointed finger at the entirety of the Muslim world.... And today it almost feels as though we were adults that caught a child in the act of bullying others, the very same child that has always said to us, 'Help me, they're hurting me!' - the very same that we've stood in front of and protected from those others - and having to watch this child, desperately, try to sway us and convince us that Israel is not to blame. That Israel did Not start this. That Israel did Not just make those other kids eat sand and mud as we Thought we saw, but rather that Israel was trying the damnedest that they could to avoid a struggle and to protect themselves...

So we stand today with what seems to be an opportunity for the Muslim community to smash Such shame into the faces of those allied to Israel for whatever interests they hold within..... OR, such an Opportunity to connect with a part of the world - nay, with All of the world - to right wrongs and prove ourselves intolerant of such ugly and condemnable behavior - from wherever it spawns.

The grounds upon which we stand are, indeed, shifting...

Will they change for the better? Time will tell. The Jewish community in the US is Incredibly powerful. From Washington to Hollywood, they've a hand (and quite a few dollars) placed firmly. To attack any one portion of that form, that practices beyond any other I can even think of an essence of true solidarity, attacks any and everywhere that hand has touched. Most assuredly this Truth is being heavily weighed as our nation develops its official response(s) to this fiasco.

But right is Right, and wrong is Wrong. The world perceives this as an Israeli attack, in open waters, upon civilians and artists and diplomats and misc. other humanitarians of different stripes and creeds and nationalities. Men and Women who only sought to stand against a wrong the world would otherwise ignore by refusing to take 'no' for an answer and bringing its aid and Love Directly to a peoples Obviously and desperately in need, if only to be absolutely certain that it gets there. If it is indeed proven/widely accepted that this is the case, then to do nothing and not have those accountable held to the consequences of their actions is an egregious step or 20 backwards for every man, woman, and child of this species.. As is any injustice to humanity and Life that is allowed to stand.

Peace and Light,
Cory H.

Still, and dreaming of playing guitars..

2010-05-20T04:51:00.004-04:00

The events of these last few days have been affirming my place. I am coming to a space where I better Understand and am more capable of presenting to the world my Gifts. It took all the time necessary for me to find True Love for mySelf to realize what it is that's really there.. I'm not really one for affirmations (I don't like the idea of repeating mantras just to 'trick' my Self into feeling how I do not - I'd much rather work through to the reason behind my state and treat it's core), but I believe that the Self these days has been whispering affirmations to me.. Through all of you.. Through Aiyana Jones. I'm finding my Truths in song lyrics and answers are being revealed to me through my dreams.. And I have been listening.. I've been growing. I am thanking my Self through you, and thanking you from the deepest pits of my Self.. If that makes any sense.. I suppose I should explain a little as to where I am right now.

I've just been listening.. That's what the goal for this year has been. I've found such profound Truth throughout and behind the words I've heard. Sometimes you're just so constantly bombarded with the chaos of words and emotions and whatnot that it never really seeps in.. It just washes over you, and you're responding more to the words or the moment's emotion than you are the truest sentiments behind either. I've sipped of some profound and beautiful minds.. I've choked on many a toxic and destructive mindset.. Most importantly, though, I've come to see where I stand amongst all of this noise. I've found it so much easier to align myself with mySelf..

I see this Truth when I'm enraged by the ignorance that the world around me spews at times. I feel my passions blinding me, feel my opinions and biases building up.. Then I step back. It's so much easier to see from a dispassionate perspective. Not to suggest that I don't care - I care to no end, it seems. I'm constantly beating back my opinions. I'm always going off on "I can't stand this bullshit" rants.. But when I finally step back (after whatever damage is done), I See. I may not always Get it, but I Understand.. I may not always like this person's views or sentiments or mind - but I see all there is to love and would feel foolish not to. And through such a mind I am more assured of my own.

And then there are the glimmers of light in the hearts and minds of many I've come to acknowledge.. The Truths that we all share - the ones we find along our respective Ways. And such light shocks me to no end. Such love astounds me to no limits. I grow through respecting these Truths or refining them, applying them to different portions of my existence. I think on them when I feel in the back of my mind that I'm slipping from a better path for mySelf..

Such is the way the Light of this world has shined upon me.. Such is my (and every other's) blessing.

Aiyana Jones proved to be confirmation of my path. Her tragedy spoke to many a heart and I was touched - both by her and by those who love her. The passion within the 'conscious' community has amazed me. Where I differ from my counterparts, however, is how I feel such passion should be applied. There are broken hearts all over the nation, now.. To say that I am not worn by such a despicable scenario is false. But I feel more that what has passed should make us more eager to allow and accept the change our world needs within our very Selves, not in any heart and mind that we assume isn't paying attention. To acknowledge her and to be Aware of her story - and to feel to the core for this child - makes Me aware of the changes that need to be addressed and lived within myself.

There's no prejudice that I can hold worth an innocent child's life. There's no hatred worth maintaining at the cost of someone's sweet and purest Love. There's no enemy I can fathom that hasn't ever experienced my pain. Surely the rest of the world will seem set to make this a challenge for me - maintaining such love for all and everyone in a time and space where such Love is the very depiction of weakness. But I am a happier man as I've come to allow myself that love. Get that. Allow MySelf. It's like stumbling upon a Self-Sufficient energy supply. I don't love others looking for love - in the echo chamber between my ears there's so much love for Self that I cannot but help to have it radiate beyond me, to anyone that my light touches. In so doing I promote the bests in those around me, in all that they wish to achieve, and I watch the world at which I find mySelf epicenter of blossom into beautifully positive plains of Self Love and Contentment.

If that's not using the Self to create a better world around me - for myself and all of my past and current struggles, for my friends and all of their youthful growing pains, for my future children and the world I leave to them, and for any other Aiyana's out there that genuinely deserve Better - then I don't imagine that I have thus far been able to find a better way to do so.

The Self speaks to me in my dreams. I just recently had a dream where I was playing the guitar. Now let me first note two things.. 1. I do often (enough -whenever I catch hold of them) translate my dreams. 2. Although I do often (enough) have dejavu experiences (where some scene will play through, and some months later I will live through that same exact scene), this was not one of them. The translation reads:

"To dream of playing a musical instrument forecasts a sudden and surprising change in your lifestyle"

That said - it also speaks to sexual connotations in other references.. I dunno.

I guess my point is that I have a better understanding of exactly where I am and where I'll be than any other or some book chock full of generic interpretations.. Either way, I've never felt as great as I do now about taking my own steps.

Recall Your path, fair ladies and gentlemen - and Walk it.

Infinite Love, and all the positive energy that I can Fathom and we can Foster.

The sky is indeed blue..... Right?

2010-05-16T04:35:00.001-04:00

Yet another stream of thought that seems more practically addressed via a blog than on Twitter. This time I am calling into question 'the obvious'.. I am curious as to how the light of Truth might reach one who gazes through the fog of beliefs.. Which may or may not be wrong.. I don't know if that's as far an assertion as I am willing to make.. I guess it is best that I go back and address where this comes from.

I was having a conversation with a really close friend of mine, recently. To give you a better understanding, I will say that the conversation was with regards to what people are told to believe all there lives and what they see as 'reality' in all of their days. The first example that had been used was the ever-blue sky.

This friend said essentially that we all know what the color blue is, by association, by name, by wavelength, etc. We know the color blue. And we all have been told, and can very well see that the sky is, indeed, by very definition, blue. You won't look at the sky and say, "oh, you know, maybe it's purple. Or green. Or maybe even yellow." However you look at it (or define blue, blue-cyan, or any more specific color of similarity), you know, as you well see and have infinitely been told, that the sky is blue. In fact it is not even really questioned. Such is belief, and such is Truth in the common eye of all men.

But being so eager to play devil's advocate as I am always, the very first thought that came my mind was this:

Ok. So everyone around me and everyone I've ever known has told me the sky is blue, and I have since agreed and considered this a Truth. But if someone (probably from distant lands or far away mind) suggested to me, "You know, the sky may not actually be blue - what if it appears to be blue just because sunlight refracts through our atmosphere in such a fashion that it appears blue, when really, it isn't. There is no entity 'sky' with the attribute 'blue'..." I wonder if such a simple glimpse of Light in this regard would open my thinking to the possibility that "the sky isn't blue". Or even, and I think this is important, that there's more to it than just that..

I just think that's an important question to ask.. Were someone to posit to you the possibility that there's more to things than what you see, what you read, and what you've been told for all of your days, would you shut out the ideas presented? Even if you don't fully believe them, at first- would you consider using such Light to find your way to greater, more encompassing Truths?

Another brought up the point that this person would need to provide some foundation of proof, before she were to accept it - a point I would to very large degree agree with. But what if the conversation revolved around not the sky, but religion? Is there ever enough 'proof' as to there not being a God, or that one is more real than the next? Are there ever enough facts to sway you from such belief? And at risk of being an asshole and ending this blog with a litany of questions to which I have no real answers, if you are as sure about anything as the believer is their Almighty, will any thought or theory ever bring you to change your mind?

Or will you wait until everyone else accepts it as Truth?

When were you last thoroughly Inspired?

2010-05-06T15:19:00.002-04:00

To the grown (and of course, sexy) - have you ever had that one conversation with someone that you knew would be a pinnacle in your life? Ever hear that glimmer of advice so profound that you knew that the decision to heed or squander it is the difference between your absolute success and failure?

I am a 23 year old (~~kid~~) ~~Man~~ Youth, and I heard those words last night.

Now I don't imagine that my life will just change, instantly - not in any simply obvious or physically realized fashion at least. But my heart and my soul were filled that evening. My Way toward my destiny re-lit.. And to think, I thought that the Way before me was growing clear enough, as is. I don't really know what I'm trying to write, here.. I'm still rather rattled (ha like how that sounds) by the force of the words I had been given..

Just... To that special person.. Thank you. Thank you for believing in me to some degree that only I've, the Self, ever believed in me. Thank you for being that external voice so succinct and in such harmony with that voice that calls to me from so very far within. If what I believed before was indeed never to pass, then your inspiration will prove to be the catalyst to my explosion upward. Up, away, and beyond toward that which lies just beyond my horizon, that in this eve I do not see.. Toward what I couldn't even fathom, as though I've rebirthed that night and never saw a sunrise..

Thank you, for helping to Light my Way.

"Floating on the Sea of Aspirations"

2010-04-30T02:14:00.008-04:00

An amazing observation in Quantum theory: Light, depending on how you look at it, can be seen and measured as either particle (photons) or wave, at the same time.

That has randomly come to mind this evening. I've been thinking a lot, lately (enough, in fact, to finally write a freakin new entry for the bloggo :), on a mental image of sorts that came to mind during my 420 week.. (Ha Just follow me)

I had been thinking on what it is to have dreams and aspirations, what it is to seek Truth and wisdom, or to otherwise set any other goal. Not the goodness or badness of such things.. But the nature of them.. What it is, this force that so eagerly pulls us in by urging every man and even every child into having a dream to focus on - a light at the end of some tunnel. I've deliberated on this for some reason for quite a while, now.. One of those random things where there might have been a thought in a dream, or a whisper of a lusty secret to life, or anything.. The point is, it ended up being the thought that every song, inspirational tweet or conscious word brought to my mind via this image. After a while it seemed to lend a visual to yet another facet of my perspective.. You'll forgive me if in my following attempt to portray this image here I horribly fail.. Ha. If this is so then I hope at least that you see the idea behind my words.

Picture a man on a boat on the sea. See this man ride the open waters, solely focused on and directed toward the light of this impossibly bright star. It is a cold night and the waters churn but even at his most desperate he pushes that damned boat through those seas, guided by his aspiration. His Light. Be it fame or fortune or Truth or happiness, or Love or religion; man is born to seek out and bask in his own Light. Imagine if you will, this man on this boat (I'd recommend applying your Selves to this mental image - me, personally, I see this Moses-like character ha), in this cold, dark night, standing fast against forceful winds with malicious and bitter intentions, that blow only to drive him away from his Light and his Way. To be enfolded and caressed into death by the darkness. Look upon this cold and lonely and battered man with all the love and compassion and respect that you (ought) pay yourSelf for the travels on your seas for all of your years.

Now, as this image develops within you, consider all that there is that you are impassioned by, and on those nights when there's nothing but darkness that surrounds you, is it not too your Star that you look to for direction? For Hope? For your next heartbeat? Recall how Focused you were/are on that Light - as only a plant knows to love the Sun, you know to love your Star. So your eyes become transfixed, as do those of the man battling those seas. And in contrast with the light of his loftiest ambitions, the world surrounding him falls ever darker and more sinister..

But here's the thing - as we step back from the plight of this weathered man to gain some new perspective, there's something to note that perhaps he cannot. As you step back and look upon the waters surrounding him, they seem much less sinister... Indeed, these waters are not as murky as he sees, and in fact reflect all the light of his beloved, in every direction surrounding him.. And lo! The winds blow and fill his sails and serve to unnerve and displace, but not to his demise and utter undoing - he has even learned to better control and navigate.

I remember when I was 7 years old I decided what I wanted with my life. I didn't want to be famous, not being the largest fan of the idea. All I wanted.. Well, was to be omniscient. Ha! I wanted to know "every single thing there is to Know" when I grew up. It's a pretty big driving force to who I am and how I come to understand things. So this image of sorts (that I really wish I could paint) has hit me pretty sideways as perhaps a notice of some sort of growth in my thinking: If Truth is my Star, then I'll sail these seas for all of my years in pursuit of that devotion, never thinking to look around on the seas I traverse to see and be amongst all that I've sought - Truth(, Love,Faith Happiness - insert drug of choice, here) shines refracted on the lick of every splash and wave these waters hold.

And in the end your Light is just like a mirage, anyway - a ghost of your hopes of a brighter daylight in the seemingly not too far distance. The Oasis in the desert is a figment of your imagination based on the manipulations of your deepest desperations on misconstrued visual information, and as you step closer and reach out, it dissolves away into the sands of all that is and all that has ever been. So too is it with the man and his Star - to try to grasp it means to clasp only the waters that surround him.

And I think that's a pretty damned Beautiful thing.

That Light isn't meant to be captured and imprisoned - it is You, and it is Free - forever and brilliantly reflected as the Light that guides you along your Way. And as you come to meet your aspirations and Grow, so too shall the Light within that guides and further illuminates the waters you float upon. So - I guess the point of this whole exercise is to say... Well, look around, not just forward and certainly not just backward..

Just Look..
It's the most amazing thing, Ever, no?

Your Light touches Everything.

Peace,
Cory

Haikuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!

2010-03-31T11:09:00.013-04:00

A list of Haiku from twitter (@coreman2200):
The Air is light, free ~ The Sea flows, seeking balance ~ The Stone, tangible..

~The Air

Floating boundless seas ~ expecting chaos , to find ~ flow and harmony #haiku

A breeze takes the Leaf ~ not cursing the winds embrace ~ whilst carried to death #haiku

Oh, the troubled sea ~ turbulent, ever ready ~ to return to Peace #haiku

The blind man looks up ~ finding no sky that IS blue ~as will he that sees #haiku

flowers in the Sky ~ not in form but in Essence ~ on a cool, light Breeze #haiku

I'm each shining star ~ and all our soul's reflected ~ in every last breath #haiku

A lens so fragile ~ that to peer through thoughtfully ~ warps the whole picture #haiku

~The Sea

Guide me to the Noon ~ dear shadow of yester's Eve ~ I shall lead til Dusk #haiku

Now ignites always ~ into before.. thereafter ~ forever's Big Bang #haiku

Set alight a candle ~ watch light and dark dance and sway ~ as were they lovers #haiku

All that one does own ~ as true now as forever ~ he will not pay for #haiku

Light is just a Part ~ there is also the darkness ~ that helps define us #haiku

taking a step back ~ the darkest blights bring contrast~ to The masterpiece #haiku

Dance in our season ~ to our harmonious Light ~ as though our waves Sing #haiku

~The Stone

We live in today ~ looking over our shoulders ~ to blame yesterday #haiku

I am a Free man ~ not for the lack of your chains ~ but the lack of Mine #haiku

sing of tragedy ~ take my mind and bitter heart ~ to where they feel safe #haiku

dancing with shadows ~ romantically entwined ~ as Light sits and waits #haiku

Food's stirred with malice ~ tainting all that sustains us ~ with poisonous thoughts #haiku

drawing lines in sand ~ warring against them for rocks ~ at a mountain's feet #haiku

So blind is the man ~ who looks into a mirror ~ and sees not himSelf #haiku

"A Brief Thought" Series - #1

2010-03-08T16:46:00.002-05:00

Ok, so the first of the series is a thought I had last night that I feel that amongst trying to relate via Twitter's 140, I hugely failed at accomplishing.. lol So here I am. A very quick back story, I watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" for the first time, Finally, last night. I thought the movie was rather brilliant. The emotionality of the presentation of such an amazing concept struck me at my core; I felt it.. I hurt a bit.. A good bit. Ha.

So with me having been seeking some sort of balance within me, and such pain being a very.. Different experience from that neutrality that I've sought, I thought on the pain (and really, a way for it to just go away). The thought then came to me:

Do you feel this pain? Can you place it? Yes, that is it.. Now cherish that feeling in that space, Cory. Because forever before and forever beyond this moment you are Infinite - you are truly One with the fabric of all energy and all things. So take this all in, and love it all, for this is your time as your Self to experience this; via your senses, through your perspective. For all that one could imagine good or bad, you've the chance now, in This One Life, to taste of it, feel of it, to partake..

The pain didn't go away, as I realized that it'd be cruel to me to ask it to.. But in that one thought, my understanding of that pain changed completely. I had never been so happy with what I felt, irrelevant of what the emotion was - just because I felt it so very necessary to acknowledge the blessing that such an experience was to have.. I've this one life to live in the world as I See fit.. See.. And it seems so trite and ridiculous, upon thinking about it this way, to narrow my view to only how "I don't like" the pain, or any other thing.. As long as I am here, I will find within every frame something to love.

A new series: "A Brief Thought"

2010-03-08T16:19:00.000-05:00

So I've decided that I may randomly add quick thoughts that I have. I'll usually have these thoughts that just Hit me, with such force that I feel inclined to share them. But they're usually too long to the Twitter format, and not long enough for a full-on blog. So I'll just leave brief thoughts, instead. If it so grows into a full blog then so be it, naturally. Just want to have yet another means of writing out my journey, in case some spark might be lost to the darkness of my (very) lacking memory.. lol

Thoughts & Bests,
Cory

Divides Provide A Side To Blame

2010-03-03T17:41:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking quite a bit this past week, what with twitter (@coreman2200 for those whom are somehow unaware :) and sad news and catastrophic events.. I've had a lot to ponder about the nature of some certain many things.. A lot of questions. I've been led to ask myself, for example, this question quite a bit: Why as a species are we so reactionary? Why do we always seem to be healing from the last thing that came down the turnpike, instead of placing our efforts towards setting into motion some sort of positive actions to which such a negative Reaction isn't to be feared?

On the morning that we on the east coast rose to the news about the earthquake in Chile, when people were harping on about the end of days and 2012, there were quite a few people that shared a sentiment of this nature:

"Well this is just God showing us who's boss.."

And things of such a nature.. I don't like the idea of saying that I was sickened by this - everyone's entitled to their own opinions and everyone is subject to their own interpretations and truths.. But sickened I was, all the same. I'm not a believer of any book of religion in totality - a topic perhaps for another blog when my thoughts are clearer and words more wisely chosen on such an awfully 'touchy' subject - but when 700+ people are dying/dead because of a natural disaster that we've all in small or large part contributed to and you take to saying your God was just letting us all know, "Hey guys, I'm still up here, let me just use this earthquake button right here to prove it to you"... I think of that as the greatest cop-out.. The most disgusting use of belief and religion and faith, and a gross display of either utter ignorance or the outright denial of our role in whatever this world is or is becoming.

I thought about this, and some myriad of other influential ponderings, and I finally found what seemed to be the question I was driving at all along: Why are we as a species, a peoples, a nation, whathaveyou, so inclined to first separate ourselves from the issues we all share, and the people we share them with, then find someone else or some otherworldly entity to blame for the outcome?

The Earth didn't decide to just say "fuck it" and start shifting under our feet for kicks, shits and giggles. It happens because some other event or group of events led to it. Maybe the polar ice caps melting? Maybe the water levels rising? Hell, maybe we knew this was coming down the pike a good while ago and thought "well we'll just cross that bridge when we get to it" because doing what was necessary to avoid it was more costly to those who possibly could than the lives lost in these travesties? And guess what, just because it happened in Haiti or Chile or off the coast of Japan, or California (if that's not close enough to home for us all, here), doesn't mean that it won't affect us all. The world's too small for it not to affect us all. And no, I can't bring myself to even think that an Omnipotent, Omniscient, and Omnipresent God would think with such a small and human concept of vengeance and pettiness and utter disregard for life as to set into motion the chain of events that would produce these natural disasters. And if you do, if you honestly do believe that... What else is there to say? I'd just think that's worthy of some thought..

I think that the problem is that we seek an enemy, we seek a face, we seek a body - to represent our failings as to avoid taking ownership of what we've enabled or caused through our own string of events. I don't mean this solely in the realm of natural disaster, no. I tend to think that something is more True if it applies to a much wider realm of concepts. We can blame the black kid that steals, deals, and kills, because it's easier than taking credit for his family starving. For not uplifting that child out of such hostility and desperation. For not doing a better job of teaching that child and all like him/her that there are much better ways and much loftier ambitions to attain/consider. Any prior generation can blame the world's woes on the coming one for being brain dead, or careless, or unable to think, or whatever you want - but not take credit for feeding them 'knowledge' and saying "Just cuz" when they decide to ask "Why". Or giving them a book to look at the words and remember the words and recite the words, but not understanding the message behind the words, the sentiment within the words, or the fact that without considering either, they are Just words.

We can blame TV and big companies for pushing nonsensical constructs into our heads that alter our truths and warp our realities, because we don't take credit for watching the nonsense, buying the nonsense, acting out the nonsense, entertaining the nonsense, or putting the money towards these ideals and feeding that machine. And you can even blame others saying, "Oh, but that's them, though - I'm conscious and I don't do any of that ish" but just as it ends up being all of our problem, I truly believe it is all of our doing. If we are unwilling to facilitate a more positive and Honest view of our world, then we're going to keep floating away on clouds of little white lies.. And when those clouds dissipate, as they always do, the farther the fall back downnnnnnn towards solid Truth, all the more painful it is.. May we all pray that the fall not be so far down that we cannot bare that inevitable collision.

We're all connected. We all share the same outcome. Together, as a force, we are absolutely unstoppable.. So Please, resist stopping, just to point a finger. Stop looking for someone to blame for kicking over your edifice of blocks instead of working to have built a stronger and more durable structure. Stop finding difference.. Stop creating schisms.. For although your hand has fingers and your foot has toes your heart has a beat, they are all you. And though your enemy has different skin or a history spanning behind his and your generation, they are too more defined By you and what you wish to see than anything else, and thus but one facet of your very own reflection. We all shall rise together; we too, regardless of how separate you are from your "enemy", shall fall together, if we don't do something.

These are just my thoughts.. I do welcome your's..

Can You Hear My Tweet's Echo?

2010-02-10T02:36:00.002-05:00

Just some musings that I thought to throw together from a timeline rant. May serve me well to better relate these ideas into more than 140-character blips at some point in time, but I feel assured that the message all the same hits quite effectively in such a format. I'll ask that we all consider these thoughts - I mean, that's all that they are - you can do with them what you will from there.. I am just overjoyed to have yet another opportunity to express to you my point of view... However flawed :)

The most profound Truths will apply to the most things. If the facade of reality is separation and partiality, what is Truth that is defined as such?
For those seeking wisdom, seeking peace, seeking knowledge- it would seem Wise to consider that framing of all things..
So many of our truths are based on these dividing concepts, these spacial constructs, these segregated perceptions..
Not seeing that You may perhaps be the breakdown between us All into parts. Parts you've the eye to distinguish but not truly See..
People you've the force and stance to hate but not the patience and will to Understand..
Minds you've the ability to wrongly classify as either conscious or not. Alive or dead. Wake or sleep.
Why are we so eager to find/define an enemy, yet so unable to see that we are equally defined in so doing?
Why are we then so incapable of seeing the direct link and bond that lies therein?
I speak to my black brothers/sisters, whom so focus on their distaste for their description of their enemy that they not see their reflection.
The passion that we exude is precious and at All times the very most beautiful thing I could ever imagine. I bare witness to glory each day.
But you've got to wake up, sometime. You've got to see that you/we/them/us/All the One won't get anywhere with such thinking.
You define them through your perception, and thusly your very physical and real self is defined; again - through them.
Where is the Self in that?? Who are You, BEYOND the Hater of Them. The Hater of Their Ideals or Their Greed or Their Trespasses. Who Are YOU?
My love for you helps me See you. If I were blind to your experience then I am blind to ALL pain and All trespass.
But my passion to love you makes me just want to shake the Shit out of a lot of you, sometimes. If only to blur your sight, gain you a new focus.
You'll express more distaste than you will love, and soon lose sight of love completely. Then, what and where will your purpose have gone?
If you believe in a Devil - that's Exactly what he does. Guide you to hate.
As I see it, though, the Devil is as much Us as God is. You are both to praise and to blame. To revere and to condemn.
There's as much sadness in this world as you'll imagine.... And so, too, is there joy. Irrelevant of the circumstances behind either state..
You just have to Choose to fucking see it..
I don't know about you, but I abhor the idea that my future children will grow up where hate and disparity are used for "Good"... It Never works..
Perhaps I need a gray beard however, to spout the most simple yet significant of Truths.. We're just so much more and so much better than this..
Stop Hitting YourSelf. Stop Hating YourSelf. Stop Fighting YourSelf. Realize YOU ARE Yourself. Love Yourself. Practice Unity WithIn & Out of Yourself.
No one does well to fight against himself.. His being. He who loses himself loses all. Have you Lost Yourself to the concept of your "enemy"?
Do you love yourself through hating 'Them'? Can you? And by loving yourself unconditionally, can you Still not feel any closeness to 'Them'?

#LeSigh.... I just want you all to be Free.. United in ambitious search for Self Truth, not in Defense from some hateful distant mirage...

My Take On The "Consistent Mind"

2010-02-07T02:46:00.004-05:00

These are some 'simple' musings brought to consideration by a dear friend - this is a moreso detailed version of the conversation as it played out via first an email, then Twitter (Me) :)

"Is it possible that the mind lives constantly. Psychoanalytic, multi-minded, triple life living human/creature beings?"

Me: Thoughts- If not the mind I'm sure that some form or essence of the spirit of a man lives on eternally and beyond the boarders of his current or original form.. Maybe a replica of the rhythm that his soul sang too exists even after the last wave leaves him?

@joskidiesel So would you say that the mind is tangible? Or can be? Can I put urs in a bottle?? For duplicating?

Me: Whilst jumpin in n out of dreamland I thought about this question quite a bit.. Seems rather complex ha. Here are my findings:

- I certainly think the mind is tangible. I consider it the part of your human vessel that computes the consciousness of your Self for you to present to the world.

- But I think too that from birth the forces present, from the people around you to where the planets and stars are positioned have some affect on How you think and Who you are.. So even if I were born again with all of my old thoughts and memories, but born near say Jupiter, would that not have some baring on How I analyze things? I wouldn't imagine that I'd have the same rhythm to my being.. same Self.

@joskidiesel So are you saying that the mind is tangible, which makes Self, but Self is circumstantial, dependent on many factors, and not able to duplicate?

Me: The Mind is tangible, and physical, yes, but Self and soul are not, and I don't feel as though the mind makes the Self. Yes, Self is to me seemingly 'circumstantial' but that's more in regards to the energies affected not so particularly the physical being those energies compose. Thus without some mastery of time and space, unable to be replicated. The mind is just a means to physically express the potential of that energy in a Universe of similarly combined/composed energy.

@joskidiesel So its more a representation, than a single entity?

Me: I'd probably say just a means of translation. Potential for your potential energy to present itself in beautiful 'real', physical fashion..

Obviously I don't Know anymore than anyone else lmao.. But I guess that's just how I'd see it..

Destiny: Your Force You're Drawn Toward

2010-02-05T11:43:00.003-05:00

Ha! So for the first time, evaaa I'm in twitterjail... :( I actually kinda feel like a ballin ass thug.. lmao But onto seriousness.

The timing is actually rather inopportune because I just came back to my computer with this interesting idea I wanted to share. I went onto one of my random "picture this" tangents in my head, this time regarding Destiny, and I thought of a rather interesting way to picture my interpretation of it. First, a few other thoughts..

For those who've ever really gotten to know me for my understanding of the Universe, you'll know a few things - one really important point for this discussion is that I don't believe in 'random', and that my studies in Quantum Physics do nothing much to change that. For events/scenarios that we cannot seemingly interpret in a physical realm I am all too certain that there are otherworldly explanations - but as we are thus far incapable of acknowledging these realms (we as a collective would most likely need to be open mentally to them in order to 'see' them), we call what we can not see/figure out 'random'. It seems like a great placeholder word, and I use it as such. But I do not believe in the preconception that there is no explanation for any event that transpires. Every thing that seems to happen is the result some countless variables working on the energy/particles that compose the subject.

When you put it that way, you were supposed to be here. You were born to be exactly who you are. In that you are infinitely important - you are the only you that could be, based on the 'will' of the very Universe. Freewill and the implications regarding it are probably fodder for another blog, but as I see it - Hell, you still think you have choice, you still decide to choose - so free will is alive and well. Perception. But I digress.

Another is that we are defined and constantly affected by the energies that compose all things in this Universe.. Some bundles of energy produce stronger waves, or are closer to us in some sense or another, and thusly affect us more strongly than others, but everything produces its own ripples, everything has its own affect on everything else. As light effects what we see and how we see it. As sound too has it's own frequencies and rhythms. I believe, too, that each of us have our own frequencies and our own rhythms. And that those are each first set perhaps at birth and refined throughout your life, but largely remain the same (you are who you are)..

So where am I going with this? How do I correlate these conceptions into a furthering of my world view.. And destiny..? Well think about this: Because there is no random, and we are all composed of the energies that have and will always exist within the Universe (then assuming that the Universe itself will not at some time end - or that that is all there is..) isn't destiny an easier concept to ~~believe~~ accept? Further still, and here comes the picture, for all the waves out there that affect us with every moment, in such chaotic fashion as to seem random, what if some other waves or forces are so very strong, that their direction remains unaltered, regardless of other pushes?

Picture This: You drop a ball, and gravity pulls it to the ground. Maybe perhaps the wind is blowing and the ball is pushed to the left or right. Or maybe perhaps the ball bounces off of something else before it hits the ground.. In the end, does it not hit the ground all the same?

That's how I'd ~~define~~ look at Destiny. Some force - some event or string of events that your energy is drawn to with such force that the other waves of energy have but so much affect on it's route, and thus, that energy reaching that destination.

Self Versus Reality: My Mission Statement

2010-02-04T10:10:00.008-05:00

A great person and friend, Jovonna DuzyaRealliwanaariguez decided to my grace and great pleasure/chagrin to help me with the real-world task and obvious necessity of getting a job. That one (simple?) sentence alone should show well enough that I'm being a bit of a baby and presenting some minor yet still unfair and surely unwarranted hint of resistance. There's a lot that goes into my reasoning here, but I feel it's in my best interests to express this as simply as possible. So here I go - be sure to let me know that I'm being a baby through this process - I'm certainly not being what would be considered the social construct of an "Adult" - I quite obviously need a dose or two of reality.

Ugh, how to put this.
Ok so Why am I being a little bitch? (ha) I want things for myself, surely. This year alone, I want to get a huge ass tattoo, I want the option of moving out to California, I want to travel - all these things require money. So naturally the 'working' part isn't my concern.. Its not the process of looking for a job, either. I've been burned (Badly) in my past on that front, surely. But I've always been superbly optimistic, if not full of confidence in my rather vast cloud of capabilities. I think it was when asked two specific and as you will see rather realistic and worldly questions that something inside of my chest soured to the whole task and mission:

1. List some organizations that you would like to work for..?
2. What is your 6 month/1 year goals/aspirations?

I guess the implication is that this whole process wouldn't at all bother me if either of those questions didn't exist. But when you see the two questions a third arises: "Why in the Fuck do they matter to me at all?" I feel more inclined to answer the 3rd thus far.

1. Well this is rather simple.. Maybe. I'm lazy. Ha! I thought about this. And it comes down to me not wanting to look around for companies that I'd like to work for.. I couldn't possibly care less - if I had my way I'd make enough money doing freelance and building my Own company to cover my living and playing and exploring expenses. Alas, this is not so. Therefore it matters not to me.. I think that that realization alone diminishes the value/concern of question #1..
I'll just get over that one and just find some list of places I that will provide what I seek in regards to employment: Freedom (ha), health coverage (?), and if not some means to express my creativity and/or individuality, then something that only needs me for the mundane tasks of typing shit, fixing technical problems, answering phones, etc. I can sell (well) but my heart and soul are Not there, anymore. And honestly, childish, foolish, naive or otherwise - I will not readily sell myself to some employ and lose all of the progress I've made mentally and spiritually, breaking myself and going against my Self, making someone else rich... Few things will I be more passionate about.

So, Question #2. In 6-12 months I don't foresee any progression in my 'real', financial, or social gains beyond that which comes from my personal, perspective-related, and spiritual growths. That's not to say that I have no ambitions. Or that I don't expect any changes in my life. Or that I intend to lazy about for the rest of my days.. Though I've few words to give to you any other respectable explanation. My life over this past month, alone has changed so absolutely and fully ('Full' in such a many different ways) and so beautifully. I'm brought to understand that which I've always been aware of for myself - that I will find my way, that though I will practice for Years upon many being lost and confused, whenever I find my way I will see, and I will Understand. I know in my heart of hearts that I am destined for Great things. I always have. My only problem of course in this real world of problems aplenty and desires amassed is that I have no clue what that "greatness" is or what it entails. Still, when I silence the world around me and look inside, I'm told, "Just wait and see; It'll all be clear; In time; You will soon see; I promise you, Cory, it'll come".

I've had plennnntyy a hard time. I've moved around since I can remember. I've lost so many close ones. I've been destitute. I've been homeless. I've been heartbroken. I've been weak. I've been scared. I've been broken. And when I have Nothing at all else in this world, and I'm thinking and freaking out and scared shitless and full of distrust and hatred for myself and that goddamn message - doing everything in my power to ignore it and 'settle'.. or otherwise fight a tide of being that is just so much stronger than my mind and vessel - under the chaos of my battered mind and the ever-brutal world affecting it, the very same stream of reassurance remains.. As profound as any truth, spoken or not. As soothing and unswayed as the omniscient Universe..

A point always comes, eventually. No matter how worldly or mystical the trial. No matter how dyer or minuscule the the circumstances. There Always has come a point where things get better, and I'm So much bigger and better for the struggle. For all the time spent confused, dazed, lost, looking down roads I've never seen and up at signs I don't expect to recall, I come out of that maze with a fuller sense of Self, my surroundings, and my Way.. And with the most polite, sincere and beautiful smile my heart says: "See? I told you so..." I've just so very recently experienced these words again, after the hardest list of ordeals I have ever experienced in all of my thus-far short life. I am alive. I am more alive than I have ever been. I am free - freer than ever, as well. I am ok - I'm happy.. As was and is always promised.

That's my belief. That's my religion.. My Self. And as with most fools who believe in anything, the real world takes a back seat, sometimes. That voice inside is telling me to remain patient and take this year to grow, to Listen, to evolve as a person. To Love. And that all the greatness that is destined to me is somewhere along my way......

Bringing it alllllll back, that's why Question #2 is a problem - that "bullshit" I just spewed means nothing in a real world, but Everything to me. And I still need a job. lol. So there's my conundrum..

Happiness is a Facet of Being

2010-02-02T11:13:00.001-05:00

This came to me while listening to music and wondering, "Why is that any 'happy' song that I've heard seems so 'thin'? Just hearts and tulips, running through grassy fields, smiles and cheer - but no depth or substance?" - or that if there is in fact some weight to that song, there are hints and whispers of melancholy involved.. I wonder if many/any would agree here. If not I'd certainly suggest leaving song titles in the comment section because this is the assertion that I make and maintain throughout, and if it is so I'd like to find circumstances in which I'm wrong, here.

It just seems that I tend to like "depressing songs" a lot. Sad failed loves, loneliness, despair, darkness.. But I do, I think, not for their emotional content, but the depth of such expressed emotion... And I realized then that "happy" as some form of expression is such a superficial one.. I've always wondered why there's more to feel in sadness than happiness, and it seems to me now that its not because I've not experienced happiness (as I afore thought), but that in the depths of even happiness there's what we define probably instinctively as sadness. Or fear. Or the contrast between this smile and some more painful moment, or the experience of the world, which is commonly more painful. I'm sure that we all subconsciously feel the collective soul is in a state of madness and sorrow..

Maybe experience tells us that there is indeed sorrow in and around all things.. I'm not sure that I believe this... Just that depth implies expression of so much more than the face and front of happiness. I feel we may misinterpret that feeling as something negative only because a smile or laugh isn't specifically implied/expressed. I don't know... I just imagine that it has more to do with happiness being just a "State" of being; just a side, just a part, just a facet - and when its taken at a level more nuanced than face-value, and if all things are indeed connected - merely defined/split per Our definition and classification - then you will naturally find connections to other things...

There's beauty in that.. That connection.. Because it then takes so much emphasis off of being happy or not being sad or angry - and illuminates just how much more important it is, just being.. I don't suggest that hatred and any other extremes are therefor acceptable or "good" - I can hardly accept any extreme to be. But in the considerations of finding your balance or finding your Self or otherwise just living your life; how 'freeing' is it - the whisper of an idea that in the end, so long as you are being truest to your inner self, whatever state it may be in at any time, is exactly how you should be living your life?

Love and Trust in Yourself.

A Call TO Change Goes Unanswered..

2010-01-28T17:49:00.001-05:00

Perhaps it is that we've been lied to so much and so often that when a genuine word slips past one's lips we analyze it for the lie as apposed to for the message. Where you heard "I'm fighting for health care, spend spend spend, stay the course, I want bipartisanship," I heard "get off your lazy apethic asses, TELL these fools to stop fucking around with your money, with your health, with your nation - all for their fucking votes and their fucking power trips - FORCE them to do right by you, and TAKE what you want from these assholes who have been STEALING from you for the past however many decades. Because I can say whatever I want to have done, but I can only lead you there - I cannot walk for you." Perhaps some of you should revisit the State of the Union Address, now..

Instead, we Stand Still, looking to this one man to solve all of our problems. Then look at him cynically when he expresses his desires for something to be done. We give him that "nigga please" look when he calls to us to move. We blame him or government for our Very Own Feet not moving. Well hell, as I see it, you can not help people who do not want to help themselves. Yes government is flawed. Yes congress is a bunch of men and women catering to their self interests before the American people. But if the nation's willing to accept that as "the way things go", even when your Leader is telling you - screaming to you - "You know, it doesn't have to be this way.. You yourselves have the power to change this," then those people are not the ones to blame. We are. We are failing ourselves by looking to anyone other than our very selves to find our promise.

We as a people have lost sight of what a leader is actually supposed to do. A true leader doesn't carry the entire world on his shoulders to move it by him/herself. That leader merely gives the world a direction - the world itself needs to move its feet to find progress. A true leader doesn't allow us to always cater to what is easiest. He shows us that beyond any struggle their's a brighter day that we're fighting for. A true leader doesn't accept what we 300 million people cannot do - a true leader knows in his very heart and soul that there is no single solitary thing in this world or all of existence that we cannot do. Impossible is naught. A true leader imparts such belief to his masses.

I have faith in our President. I have much less in our nation.. If we falter, it is not because he failed us.. It is because we fail ourselves. As a people we are ignorant sheep. And those who have any knowledge twist it to their own gain, as to control their own subset of sheep. As a leader he only asks that we move forward. He can not promise change that we the people are unwilling to adapt to. He can not move a mountain that we hold in place. He can not make us better than we ourselves see a reason to be. For those of you who cannot remember after only a year why you voted for him - for those who can't think of a single reason as to why beyond him being black or "a different face" or "not McCain" - that is why: because he promised without words to be a great leader. Not to wipe your asses. Not to drag you kicking and screaming into greatness. But to show you a door, and tell you what greatness is beyond it if only we thought to walk through it, instead of just scratching and clawing at the same wall.

With all the love I have for all of the world I must tell you all - wake the fuck up and listen. Grow the fuck up and think. Open your fucking eyes and see. He's already proved to you that we're all capable of change - he's our President. Now that we see it's possible - what in the world is stopping us? Better still...

What in the world Can stop us?

Fearful Of Seeing Self In Judgment

2010-01-27T20:15:00.003-05:00

..And so, again, it begins.

One can easily imagine that he who judges knows too well his own face in mirrors.
However, it seems quite the contrary - the judge appears to be more aware of
the mirror, and that surface's property than the validity and actuality of what it reflects
More inclined to disregard the depth of whom he opines
as though the face of his subject grow more tangible if so simplified and so flattened; heartless.
The mimetic lifeless visage merely a montage of faults, nicks and scars..
Not the truest grooves he inwardly sees in self, not the mountainous terrain he traverses within...
Nor the well of reflection that lies Behind his eyes.. Nor the fathomless pain beneath his skin.
The cold touch of the mirror's glass only affirms his stance, and in turn by happenstance
he who stares back to see no such humanity in the eyes that judge him
too only finds validity in his impression of soulless reflective glass..

...And so, again, it begins.

Capricorn Horoscope for week of January 21, 2010

2010-01-21T19:43:00.001-05:00

Capricorn Horoscope for week of January 21, 2010

Take what you really need, Capricorn, but don't take what you just sort of want. That's my advice to you. Haggle with life, yes, but insist only on the specific essentials and forgo irrelevant goodies. A similar principle applies as you seek the information you crave: Formulate precise questions that will win you the exact revelations that are necessary to help your cause and that won't fill your beautiful head up with useless data.

- Horoscope courtesy of Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology

I Had A Dream -- And Now Share A Vision

2010-01-16T04:57:00.005-05:00

Nearly 3 score years ago I shared a dream, that like a wave swept over the hearts of these lands.. A wave of goodwill towards all men, be it my black brother or Persian sister. A wave of insight, that we all were created equal, in an image beyond the divisive lines the color of our skins or the nature of our beliefs help us draw in the sand. A wave of Truth, that whispered so softly that we are one, and 'we together', the people, make this beautiful nation what it is, and that 'we apart' would only see this fragile majesty crumble beneath our feet. And as a wave, we all saw fit to draw together and wash away the segregation and disparities and inequalities and hateful thinking that had blighted our lands for so very long.

3 score years later our painstaking labors have since bore fruit. Our black children share this fruit with their white brothren. Our brown-skinned niece cares for the vitality and promise of these branches baring this fruit with no less vigor than her homosexual nephew. Our loved ones of all creed fight overseas to protect this tree from those who threaten the beauty of its promise. And a black man leads in maintaining that promise, tending to the health of its roots to ensure his daughters and your sons fruit to share amongst them for generations beyond us. The Dream has been realized.

Alas, upon opening our eyes the harsh light of reality casts some really dark shadows.. The hatred that I dreamed would dissipate with the power of love has not subsided. The racism we saw once brash and direct has since been scattered.. but now crashes upon the spirit from all angles. Many a white man have grown in their thinking and have stopped murdering our black brothers and raping our black sisters, but in turn we have since allowed money, power, and greed to enslave us, and we commit such atrocities to ourselves. We are now "free at last" to seek our heritage and honor our culture and history, but instead of coming back with a fuller sense of self we return to the present with past hatred and greater despair. And our children, who have more access to the bounties of this world than we could have ever possibly imagined, believe more in a televised stereotype than they ever possibly could themselves. I am ashamed; for this tree that my dream grew, is full to bursting with rotten fruit.

What I see now was my failing is that in a dream, one need not understand a great many things.. and you need understanding in this real, harsh world. Understanding unites us and warms us. Understanding illuminates our way through impenetrable darkness; not just for some, but for all to that revered mountaintop.. And without it darkness is fed.. Cold is amplified.. Uncertainty is born, that grows into fear, that then, too, evolves into hate. For two men to disagree is the result of two working minds and having two separate perspectives, but to understand why one disagrees provides him the path to common ground with whom he quarrels.

I had dreamed a dream of prosperity and good will.. I see now with realistic eyes a beautiful view over the horizon of what can be, if we learn to understand our brothers and sisters. Find the courage and wisdom in your hearts and minds to make your enemy your friend, by seeking the root of his problems, so that he too might come to bare sweet fruit. For you may not agree with his choices, but do you too not hunger for bread? I may not believe as he believes, but if his faith make him a better person for the world, am I better to fault him? You may not share the same shoes nor walk the same path as your brothers and sisters half the world away, but do we not all share the same world, and sky, and breath? I have a vision that one day what had once divided us will exist to unite us.. What had once been hatred will evolve into mutual respect and understanding.. What had once been darkness, will then be light... For no matter your creed, your region, your belief, gender, sexuality, or experience; we all seek such light to guide our way into eternal prosperity...

And we need to walk hand-in-hand if we ever hope to reach the promise land!

Happy MLK Day :)

"The Wise Deduce, The Foolish Simplify" (Part 1)

2010-01-06T17:50:00.000-05:00

I truly want for you all to see me. Feel me. Know me.

Alas, language already does too much to hinder thought and expression. What I write here is but the compressed, black and white representation of just one portion of a constantly evolving and rotating image in my head. To say that I cannot relay to you my vision is false - it will just take a supreme effort that until now I've never attempted to prove myself capable of.

We as a species feel a need to find distinction between things. Water and rock. Black and white. Christian and Buddhist... I certainly understand the inclination, and the more logical and scientific aspects of self recognize this practice as necessary. Indeed there are differences in the materials around us, as are there different species, elements, energies.. My mind is not your's, nor is your's mine.. Of course I understand this..

But what if there's more? What lies between and under the separation of things.. What is it that connects all things? What makes one thing the balancing force of another? A friend of mine and I recently got into a highman's conversation about the nature of things. Religion, human purpose, existence.. I believe it was during this conversation where I had first imagined and tried to express the idea that I hope will evolve into my philosophy and my Way, via this merging of thoughts/ideas:

-The one thing we seem to realize as absolutely True is mathematics. Science can be wrong/lacking due to human err, religion most certainly is as well, people almost always are.. But if you formulate an equation validly, then you will always find some true value..

-There is no such thing as random. There never has been. Surely you are aware of this? Every thought that you've ever had, for reasons you may or may not fully understand, stem from some other thought or idea or stimulus. Everything you do or have done has been in response to something you experience.. Even the natural world beyond consciousness. Snow doesn't randomly fall, it does not randomly rain. Although perhaps sudden, there are no random earthquakes or hurricanes or tsunamis. Every single last thing that ever has or will happen - on the most infinitesimal or grandiose scale - is the product of some particle bouncing off of some other particle that for certain bounced off yet another. Had we the computational power or capacity to calculate any infinite number of variables leading to any event (again, small or large), we would then find the end result of any and every thing, period - past, present, or future.

-There's So Much More to the world in which we live.. To consciousness.. To life. You know, from since childhood, I've had foretelling dreams and random dejavu dreams.. I am not the only person who finds them self more aware of the world around and beyond them in their sleep. I've had dreams foretell both amazing and awful circumstances to come, and to be aware of.. For as long as I can remember I'd have dreams months before an event (usually/seemingly of absolutely no real significance) transpires, and when it eventually unfolds, I'll remember the dream, the thoughts I had during the dream (I am usually rather aware of when I am having a 'dejavu dream'), etc.. Because there is really so little known about how the mind works, these occurrences, however common or rare, are ignored or hardly noted. But just think about this: in one's sleep, when the mind is no longer occupied with the physical realm of your existence, and time is no more essential an illusion than anything else one may dare to dream - that person has at least once in their lives proven themselves capable of seeing through their own eyes at a future time and place... The only thing more amazing to me than that is the fact that we all do so much to diminish the value of such an amazing phenomenon.. To that end I give credence to the actuality of a mystical realm...

Now think about these things. The things we do and do not know, what we do and do not understand, and how thusly they are simplified and compartmentalized... Someone, please explain to me why the world need be so presented to me in black and white? Why do things need to be simplified to me as "either this or that", when some things (most things) seem so ill-suited to such categorization? There is Always a gray area, and within such space lie all the potential for a better understanding of things.. A better opportunity to overlap different ideas to provide fuller albeit more complex explanations for phenomena.. I speak of a Unity of things.. Where some myriad of concepts and structures can mesh to provide actual Truths. Surely, gray leaves such need for definition - and perhaps that may still be found.. But to simplify for sake of lesser but easier understanding is a fool's game to me.. I hate the idea that my having been born in this age leaves me forever subject to this failing of human nature.

It seems to me the case that all things, ideas, concepts - are connected in some primal sense or another.. For the scientist who decries the falsehood of religion and an unquantifiable "mystical realm".. To the creationist whom finds his only truth in the (simplified) words from his/her Revered Book. To the mystic who seems bent on ignoring any and everything but the interpretation of their numerology and astrology... Are you not all blind to the full and Real potential of finding truth and enlightenment? And to what end? To believe in something is not wrong - to falter to intolerance and the inability to adapt and evolve is.

Capricorn Horoscope for week of January 7, 2010

2010-01-06T12:12:00.001-05:00

Capricorn Horoscope for week of January 7, 2010

"You are what you love, not what loves you," says the character Charlie Kaufman in the film, Adaptation. (Kaufman is played by Nicolas Cage, who has three planets in Capricorn.) I urge you to work hard to make that perspective your own, Capricorn. Ideally, it will become a permanent addition to your philosophy of life. But please at least try to install it as your primary words to live by for the next three weeks. To do so will smooth out a distortion in your energy field, making it easier for people to love you.

- Horoscope courtesy of Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology

My Future Tattoo - Thus far untitled.

2009-12-19T22:07:00.006-05:00

So I built my tattoo. Designed it from scratch. And that I did this is a big deal to me.
I've been told that you should let the artist come up with their ideas for the image, and I truly respect that truth. But I feel that I too am an artist - my composition is, has been, and until my end shall be my Life. Up to the point where this tattoo is etched into my skin, in fact, is what this piece represents to me. In that merit, I don't imagine any one person's vision could more correctly represent what I intend.

This obviously means a lot to me. It was a project I started about a year ago, when I finally changed my stance on whether or not I'd ever have a tattoo. I wasn't raised in a household that encourages this. But the message in this piece is, "This is who I have been for the past 23 years. And though in 10 years time my mentality will very likely change, I will look upon this piece to recall a history that I can never change, in a fashion that will remind me that this was what important to me, then."

Hopefully I'll find a SoCalifornian tattoo artist that would be capable of doing this complex and very detailed piece as I've dreamed it. (And maybe at some awesome "Wow I love the piece so much that I'd do it for this cheap"-type price ;)

Here are the details, broken down to anyone interested in "Why"...

Ok, so first, there are numbers to note - 7, which is basically my lucky number with regards to Numerology and of 2 of my favorites (the other, 23); and 3, which is not a favorite but has always held some significance to me.

The tattoo can be broken down into Seven parts:

The Planet:

So I've always loved the planet Saturn.. Didn't realize that I should have because of my astrology until well after my whole "I love the Universe and want to see it all when I grow up" phase in elementary school ha. So I like to think that gives it some importance. Obviously its not to the
same specs as the gaseous planet itself.. I wanted the rock at its center to signify how rough a project I am.. Kinda barren and lonely at times, too. And obviously the ring/road is for yet another purpose.

The Symbols:

Each of the symbols signify what is at the center of who I am. In terms of philosophies, interests, understandings.. These are the basis of my structure.. All connected with the Three lines that sway up and down between each symbol to express their connectivity and interactivity, and also to further my philosophy of balance and equilibrium. Note that their are Seven different symbols:
(from front-most symbol, clockwise)

1. The symbol for Saturn - the "crescent below the cross" - part to further the main image of the tattoo, but also because I see that symbol as both my strengths and what hinders me. I think of it as the part of my horoscope that has the power to accomplish things on a physical plane of existence -
the side of me that relishes hard work, determination, boldness, power. And in that token, it also hinders me mentally - the one thing about me that tries to hold me away from the freedom I need in my life.
2. The Book symbol - to signify knowledge and wisdom. From since I was very young the only thing I've ever truly wanted was to know and understand Everything.. Though not as strongly expressed as it had been then, it's a huge underlying aspect of who I am and how I respond/interact with the world around me.
3. The symbol for Karma - A Really big thing for me - as further expressed with my need for balance and how I find myself concerned when I disrupt it.. Everything I have done, still do, or will do will have its consequences, and I like to be reminded of that. Hopefully to make me a
better person with each decision..
4. The symbol for Capricorn - I have this across from the Saturn symbol for a reason. Though they should mean similar (if not the same) things, I use this symbol to signify the weakness in my sign - the sadness and self-induced despair, the hard-headedness.. But also the underlying and
potent well of emotion, the passion inside of me, the love and desire to be loved, and how all of those things work to hopefully present my fullest potential in such regard.
5. The Question Mark - Important to me because I Always feel lost. I'm always on a journey to some mystic place, to learn some thing, and I'm always stumbling around in the darkness.. I'm certain that I have no clue at all what I'm doing or where I'm going in my life... I'm terrible with
directions.. But for all the time I spend being lost, I'm still here, still alive, and with every step I grow more wise, more experienced... I've come to understand that for however lost in my life I may (and most likely will) ever be, I end up just fine for it, if not better off and stronger for it.
6. 4:20.......... Note that it is across from "knowledge and wisdom", as they don't tend to work well together lol.
7. Music - Cleff note - Right beside 4:20 for good reason.. lol. Music is my life, dude. It defines my mood, remakes my spirit, reinvigorates my soul and expresses my passions. There's really no other thing to me more important.. It's just my most loyal and truthful love.

"The Road Less Traveled":

From the beginning of designing this thing, I've always liked the idea of a road.. To present the journey that I've walked my entire life thus far, to express my need for freedom and finding my way.. It surrounds the entire piece because it is important enough to engulf it -- all I know and all I will ever know is found on this road that I alone walk.. Get it?

The Quotes:

Now these are the quotes that have either again meant a lot to me (because of the artist or because of its meaning) or express how I think right now.
Note that there are Seven:
(Don't fault me for some of these selections being semi-gay.. ha)

- "Sitting. Smoking. Feeling High."
- "The Universe works on a math equation that never even ever really even is going to end."
- "Actin funny, but I don't know why - 'scuse me, while I kiss the sky."
- "Do you wonder where the self resides? Is it in your head or between your sides, and who will be the one who will decide its true location?"
- "Oh, all that I know, there's nothing here to run from. 'Cus yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on."
- "Understand and wisdom became the rhythm that I played to and became a slave to master Self; A rich man is one with knowledge, happiness, and his health."
- "I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me, so I can say this is the way that I used to be."

"The Side of the Road":

This section is mainly the one that's incomplete. But the idea here is to present my vices... This is where I am, right now. These are the things that I enjoy and that I'm into, right now.. And the very same things I don't expect to care for as much in my older years. So far I have the (Three) shrooms and a cig bud.. I'm thinking I should add maybe a broken beer bottle or smashed can, maybe? Pot won't be there.. I intend to be an old smokey hippie.. lol This part still needs some work, though.

"An Eye on Time":

There are two aspects to this -
1. I've always, my entire life, found eyes mesmerizing.. They are truly the gateway to the soul.. Surely one doesn't learn of specific details just staring into one's eyes.. But there is so much to read in someone's eyes. They are, in fact, the absolute most important things to me in another person.

2. I've always, my entire life, figured that I'm destined for great things.. Statistically, I'd say its probably the right thing to assume delusions of grandeur on that one.. But my philosophy has been that 'time will tell', or that 'I have time'.. I figure all of my problems now are so small and insignificant, that in time once I get over and beyond these small roadblocks in my life, I'll be whatever greatness is destined... Or not.. So where under the iris of the eye it reads, "You thought you had time.. Were you right?" - I want to look back on that question 10 years from whenever I get this tattoo done and be able to answer this question, honestly.

"The Graph to Everything":

Ok, so this one's a little More weird.. lol. Ok, so you know how when you're high sometimes you go into these scenarios in your head and just let them play out until you forget what you were thinking about in the first place? I hope other people do this or I'm just crazy... lol. But I always 'freestyle' it out for a while.. Let my mind take as many tangents away from an original thought as it desires when I'm sufficiently blitzed.. I let a lot of 'what if' scenarios play through in my head.. And no matter what the scenario.. the question.. the thought.. If I'm just high enough to think through it, a graph similar to the one in my tat always pops up in my head, and it Always is the answer to whatever the question/scenario is.. Ha! I Swear to you, it Always happens, and it's Always the right answer. A Graph. Just like that one. For Years. For whatever scenario, if I let it work through enough (and not try to 'catch the thought'). Of course, by the end of it all, I usually forget what the original Question was in the first place.. But the graph is ever persistent. So I naturally assume that maybe somehow this graph is either the answer to the Universe, or something that may be important to my future (as I can hardly recall where it would have come from in my past). So I thought it was important to introduce to the entire piece... Maybe one day I'll look at it and find that it answers for me a Real problem :) ...Or maybe I'm just dumb.. lol. Either way, I feel it's pretty important. Ha.

Capricorn Horoscope for week of December 17, 2009

2009-12-19T19:42:00.000-05:00

Capricorn Horoscope for week of December 17, 2009

Even if you don't plan to go to school in 2010, I suggest you make plans to further your education. Your current levels of knowledge and skill may be quite impressive, but they simply won't be enough to keep you growing and adapting forever. Eventually, you're going to need to learn more. And the coming months will be a perfect time, from an astrological perspective, to get that process underway. Here are a few questions to jumpstart your meditations: What ignorance do you find yourself having to increasingly hide? What subjects captivate your imagination and tantalize your future self? What skills and know-how do your competitors have that you don't?

- Horoscope courtesy of Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology

Cory vs Christmas vs Religion..

2009-12-15T13:34:00.003-05:00

          I have to first thank @VanityWonder for inspiring me to write this one. She's a beautiful woman with (Obviously) a much stronger religious compass than my own. What had started as a discussion on whether or not one should allow their children to believe in Santa Claus evolved into how one sees the holiday they celebrate, then into whether one considers the religious aspects of Christmas. Religion has never been one of my favorite topics.. There's no way to Not disrespect someone's entire self and structure when you don't agree with what they believe in - what they have faith in..

          But I Hate biting my tongue to spare feelings. It's bullshit, and your ideas to me sometimes are limited, ignorant, and based on words transcribed soooo long ago, that surely have been misinterpreted thousands of times over, Daily. Her point is a valid one - Christmas is about the celebrating the birth of Christ, and Santa has no role in that so why should he be involved in her kids' lives? My view on this, though, is that it's about more than who brought the presents. Or who takes the one bite out of the cookies left over for Santa. The holiday isn't about celebrating the birth of Christ - it's an arbitrary date because no one knows when he was born. It isn't about religion to me. And I feel comfortable enjoying a holiday that I love in that capacity because I feel that is how all things evolve.. There's some reason or another that starts something, the meaning over time is lost or skewed, and then it means something else (for better or worse). Christmas hasn't been about whatever it's intended nature was since we started buying gifts..

          So I celebrate the "spirit", as it were. I celebrate being with my family - getting my little bros some awesome video games they've wanted and them being happy. Christmas music, Christmas movies, Christmas cookies, a Christmas tree, Christmas decorations... And all the warmth one could imagine would be in that scene of togetherness and festivity. I acknowledge the aspects of the holiday that I actually feel, can almost quantify, and I disregard (though still consider myself aware of) the other aspects that have lost meaning to me and my family. And I want my kids to believe in Santa when they're young enough.. There are ever fewer chances to just be a kid, nowadays.. I don't want my children incapable of dreaming beyond what they will soon enough find are the limitations to their world. Santa is a way to make this holiday for my kids all the more magical, mesmerizing.. And I would Love to be the father that got up 4 in the morning to sneak the presents under the tree, and (even tho my brothers and I knew it was our parents doing this) seeing how effin excited and elated they are to see all that expensive junk under a beautiful tree..

          The dialog evolved, and as things with regards to Christianity often do, they got uglier. If you do not believe as a Christian does then surely you're evil enough to deserve their awful Hell.. Well I say fuck that.

          I believe as I believe because this is where my life experiences brought my mental state. I'm part of a Christian family, so the Book has been thrust upon me - and I left it alone when I realized that "Why" is not a question to ask in it's regard. People Don't Think for themselves.. Fed the same scripture since on the teet, and it becomes their truth/belief... That's not me.. I'm hardheaded, I get lost Plenty - but there is wisdom behind these eyes for all of it..

In all of my wisdom, I've constructed a better Christmas to cater to my beliefs and my future children.. Ha

-Cory

Capricorn Horoscope for week of December 10, 2009

2009-12-10T15:07:00.000-05:00

Capricorn Horoscope for week of December 10, 2009

In his book The Way of Transition, William Bridges defines the "neutral zone" as "that in-between time, after you've let go of your old life and before you have fully discovered and incorporated your new life." Sound familiar? Maybe the neutral zone where you're currently simmering isn't as dramatic as that -- maybe you haven't been stripped of every single certainty and you're not wandering in limbo. But I suspect you have at least let go of one aspect of your old familiar rhythm and have yet to ease into the one that'll be familiar in the future. My advice? Don't rush it. Get all you can out of this unique and educational time in the neutral zone.

- Horoscope courtesy of Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology

Talking to myself..

2009-12-10T14:07:00.002-05:00

Ok. So I spend a lot of time either on Twitter or on Photoshop, nowadays. And between one and the other I've lately been catching myself reading people's blogs! Now I'm usually not a fan of this process - I don't proclaim to be some awesomely talented/original writer. I hardly practice the art form.. I'm basically the upper-stratum douche bag type that thinks "is this really how you write/think??" all the while lazying about, letting a billion thoughts bounce around in my head that I never try to get across to an audience. At least these other blogs made an effort, right? Ha

So I figure what the Hell, I'll throw my hat back in, even if I'm speaking to my own echo for a while. Perhaps just give myself a space to work things out, and in such digital public fashion that in 10 years, there will be a profile and analysis of my understanding of the world that Google will then use to show me ads catered to my mindset and get me to buy shit. Que Bueno..

I imagine that this blog could potentially go off in a few different directions at once.. I am considering a varied set of applications for this blog. So, some important things to understand about me are as such:

I'm a Digital Retoucher and owner of 2200 Designs LLC, a very small graphics design firm. This is the current status of my ambitions, and as this grows to be my focus so shall it grow as a presence in my blog.
I'm a wisdom seeking youth. I'm hard-headed, overly passionate (at times), all the while aloof and ignorant.. I'm still not fully aware of my failings, success. And I've yet dreams to realize.. I think far too often, and expect that a large portion of these thoughts need be expressed here.
I'm Fuckin Silly/Nutz, SON!! Ha I like to have fun. I cuss allll the fuckin time. Can help it. Why? And so you have my social presence - ~~I feel it as essential as the soul if my blog is to flourish and thrive...~~ Don't really give a fuck about that, honestly. I'm just not interested in Not being myself on my own damn blog.. Haha.

So yeah - I'm not crazy, just multitasking. Ballinnnn :)

-Cory

More than 2200 Questions..

Should Not Answer Questions With Questions

My Cosmos..

My Numbers..

In Short, My Views On Marriage

Consciousness Atop the Hill of Ignorance

Silent War Cry Against Old Love

The ground shifts beneath our feet..

Still, and dreaming of playing guitars..

The sky is indeed blue..... Right?

When were you last thoroughly Inspired?

"Floating on the Sea of Aspirations"

Haikuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!

"A Brief Thought" Series - #1

A new series: "A Brief Thought"

Divides Provide A Side To Blame

Can You Hear My Tweet's Echo?

My Take On The "Consistent Mind"

Destiny: Your Force You're Drawn Toward

Self Versus Reality: My Mission Statement

Happiness is a Facet of Being

A Call TO Change Goes Unanswered..

Fearful Of Seeing Self In Judgment

Capricorn Horoscope for week of January 21, 2010

I Had A Dream -- And Now Share A Vision

"The Wise Deduce, The Foolish Simplify" (Part 1)

Capricorn Horoscope for week of January 7, 2010

My Future Tattoo - Thus far untitled.

Capricorn Horoscope for week of December 17, 2009

Cory vs Christmas vs Religion..

Capricorn Horoscope for week of December 10, 2009

Talking to myself..